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The Minutes of The Demosthenian Literary
Society
October 16th, 1997
"Well, I hope that I can be more in
control this week. At least that is what my boss always yells at me
for; I guess he is that type of control freak who won't let me have
any fun and won't let me tell everybody about how my roommates
really love their office supplies, and about how I had this really
nasty story about a t-shirt up in Maine...There I go again, telling
all of those stories he doesn't want anyone else to know.
"Anyway, if you haven't guessed it
yet, it me Dave again. The reason why I am sort of babbling tonight
is that I am really sort of reluctant to tell the story of that
whole "Kill the Bowman and Pyrdum" thing...I don't think my boss
would like it so well.
"'Q' and I arrived at the prescribed
location of the executions, and we were already scared. I mean, how
could Jeff and I ever kill anyone? I can't remember to hold a
grudge, while 'Q,' though he really hates everything, would much
rather tell everybody about how much he hates something than to ever
act upon his anger. How 'M' ever thought we would have been good
for this job is completely beyond me.
"As we approached the house, we were
startled by the sheer horror of the surroundings: cars parked one
on top of another, kudzu swallowing small animals alive, and
horrible rhythmic screaming coming from next door. We knew this
place wasn't where we should have been, and then the two emissaries
of those that are deleterious to debate emerged, and 'Q' and I could
barely control ourselves.
"From out the squeaky screen emerged,
turning cartwheels, two beautiful and bespectacled young ladies; one
carrying a score of music, and the other carrying a stack of books
with the blueprints for the hall restoration plan. Both were bikini
clad, and ready for a fight.
"The taller of the two introduced
herself as 'Bambi,' and stated that the shorter lady was the one
known as 'Thumper.' She told us that she was sent by the Bowman to
tell us that he had already heard of 'M's plan, and had some
problems with it; evidently, it just didn't make much sense as to
why 'M' would think there was any reason or way that Mr. Bowman and
Mr. Pyrdum wouldn't ever live together. With this said, Bambi told
us that we were to leave immediately if we were still wanting to
harm the two men, but if we were over that, we were free to join
them for stroganoff inside. Thumper nodded vigorously in agreement.
The meeting was called to order at
7:19 PM, and the Society was joined by first time guests Bell,
Wells, Calhoun and Sanders, and by second time guests, Ms. Shaladi
and Mr. Pratt. As always, the Alumni Relations Committee was able
to save a little money in its efforts to keep in contact with all of
our really, really old alumni, for Mr. Scott Wells was again in
attendance. Perhaps we need to establish an Alumni Un-Relations
Committee...Just a thought.
Mr. Weaver was appointed Critic, and
then Ms. Kravig petitioned the Society for membership. In her
maiden address, she told about a cancer-stricken boy that showed her
what it meant to really live. According to the speaker, his life
"was the fullest life" she had ever seen, and that because of this
inspirational young man, she now has a fear of being a success at
something that doesn't matter.
Following her speech, Ms. Kravig was
subsequently admitted into membership.
The Society then moved into Committee
Reports, where Ms. Shillington took the floor, and then promptly
gave the floor back to the Society when she opened her speech up to
all kinds of suggestions regarding the time and place for the
Pandora picture.
Mr. Bowman asked the Society to pay
their dues and stuff.
After zooming through Old Business,
the Society moved into New Business, where Mr. Wells (alum) showed
that there was some life left in them old bones as he sprang to the
floor and presented the following resolution:
Resolved that Shelly was correct:
poets are "the unacknowledged legislators of the world."
Respectfully,
Scott Wells
The speaker told of the conspiracy that
affects the world; the plot by poets to evoke emotions and to speak
to man's heart. It is this control over the hearts of men that the
"legislative body" accomplishes its goals.
Mr. Bowman argued that though there was
something about poetry that drives him, most people would likely
never make important sacrifices for just poetry or just philosophy.
In many cases, pure poetry would stand in the way of material gain,
making it unlikely that it could formulate the key determinant in
any type of decision.
Mr. Slone stated that while the majority of
people fit the description of the previous speaker, there are still
some people out there in the world that still believe. Poetry
brings things out of some people, and thus acts as a force in
decision making.
Mr. Weaver said that the resolution was a
little behind the times, for poetry today isn't powerful for it
doesn't really hit society. In short, our culture is no longer
captivated by literature.
Ms. Moultrie took the floor and argued that
a poet has the strength to change the way we see things. The poet
is the one who keeps the ideas moving out to the people; the person
who affects the thought of others.
Ms. Brignac was in complete agreement with
the resolution because she felt that people learn the best from
their own experiences, and the experiences of others. By learning
from the experiences of others, people learn much from great
literature.
Mr. Hortman felt that poets could not be the
"unacknowledged legislators" because no one is forced to follow what
they say. Legislators have explicit powers, poets do not.
Mr. Shumaker argued that the law is
something which comes down from a higher authority which we are
supposed to obey, contrary to his notion of poetry, which brings the
truth or law out of people. Poets legislate against society because
society wants homogeneity, while poetry strives for individuality.
The question was called, and passed by
a vote of 5-4.
Mr. Weaver took the floor next, and
presented the following resolution:
Be it Resolved: TV is the opiate of
the masses.
Respectfully
submitted,
Jeffrey Weaver
The speaker argued that people are addicted
to TV; when TV is not available, people do not know how to handle
or take care of themselves. Because TV is addictive and makes
people lose brain cells, it is accurate to call it a drug.
Mr. Stevenson told the Society of his
roommates' decision to not get cable. As a result, the speaker
stated that he is completely ignorant to what is going on in the
world, but very happy, and enjoys great conversation with his
friends. He even threw in a gratuitous quote from his father, the
Eternal Moose, when he said, "Just do SOMETHING!!"
Ms. Brignac stated that though she doesn't
watch a great deal of TV, she is still not doing what she is
supposed to be doing...Ms. Brignac, when are you ever doing what you
are supposed to be doing?
Ms. Moultrie said that she was more clued
into life without TV, but if it was the "opiate of society," she was
sure that she'd really like to try it. She concluded by stating
that TV was just something to do.
Ms. Visser admitted that TV is her vice, and
that she is irrevocably addicted to it. In short, she doesn't care
what is on, for she'll watch it anyway.
Mr. Shumaker argued that TV was merely a
poor substitute for the real good: interaction and conversation
with other human beings. Almost all people would rather talk to a
friend than watch TV.
Ms. Richie argued that TV is the back-up for
human contact; it is an escape from a lack of order. In this sense,
TV can be viewed as a response to people's changing wants.
Mr. Bowman took this opportunity to clear
his name, and to explain his real relationship with television. He
argued that he is not personally addicted to TV; instead, he
utilizes TV as a means to conduct an anthropological study. In this
desire to know more about others, he acts according to Aristotle's
maxim: "People stretch themselves toward knowing."
On a vote of 7-2, the resolution
passes.
Mr. Slone then strutted onto the floor with
pinnace and flair, and presented the following resolution:
Be it Resolved: Living the life
society dictates ensures a life of mediocrity.
Respectfully,
Jeff
Slone
The speaker argued against societal norms
that are forced upon people of college age about the nature of
success. By following these presupposed notions, one is unable to
take risks, and falls into a herd mentality that dooms a person to a
type of bland existence.
Mr. Weaver told the Society of a friend who
was afraid to back to their high school reunion because she felt
that she hadn't succeeded enough. With this type of attitude, the
speaker argued that one is doomed to not be fulfilled.
Mr. Stevenson again created an uproar and a
small incident of cardiac arrest in this here Secretary when he told
of his participation in "Naked Night," and the mysterious
disappearance of office supplies in his apartment. Clearly, Mr.
Stevenson does not lead a normal life.
Mr. Bowman argued against the assumption
that there is a choice between being in society or not. Man is
always going to be affected by society, and that by crossing some
lines, man can excel in society's expectations.
Ms. Kravig (not a guest) argued that
societal pressures force people to find a niche, and because of
finding her niche, she is glad that she was pressured by society.
Mr. Shumaker spoke from his own personal
knowledge about a previous speaker's own personal society. All of
us are much more participants in our own smaller societies than we
are in society as a whole. This type of interaction is what makes
moving so scary: moving is taking us from the society we are
familiar with and putting in this whole other one. Consequently,
due to the smaller scale of society, societal pressures can be good.
The question was called and passed on
a vote of 7-3.
Mr. Bowman took the floor, and presented the
following resolution:
Be it Resolved: The Line Item Veto
Act of 1996 is both unconstitutional and dangerous.
Respectfully
submitted,
Derek Bowman
The presenter argued that the framers of the
Constitution wanted a strong secure government without tyranny. To
secure both of these goals, the framers made a distinct division of
powers between the legislative and executive branches. This balance
of power is placed into jeopardy by the line-item veto, and its
barrier destroying effects.
Mr. Weaver stated that the veto is
troublesome and tedious, but that out-of-control spending must be
controlled. The line-item veto was imprecise, but it is the best
tool we have at our disposal.
Mr. Shumaker argued against the complete
contradiction and hypocrisy that the line-item veto represents. If
the public really wanted to control spending, then wouldn't we elect
new representatives?
Mr. Slone complained that democracy is
messy, but that it is the best form of government we have, due to
checks and balances on the powers of the government. Consequently,
to preserve what is so good about democracy, the line-item veto must
be done away with.
Ms. Visser told the society that the real
power in the government lies in the independent regulatory
agencies. These organizations have both legislative and executive
powers, and control our lives. Because these bodies are the things
that directly affect your life, legislative problems are not a real
issue, and the line-item veto is a good thing.
Mr. Pratt (guest) argued that the Founding
Fathers did not design the Constitution for this much growth and
expansion. Consequently, the line-item veto can be used to clean up
democratic processes.
The question was called and failed on
a vote of 3-6.
Following Mr. Weaver's Critic's Report, the
Society adjourned at 10:30 PM.
"After having a great meal, cooked by
the surprisingly domesticated furry person everyone calls Carl, 'Q'
and I returned back to the Home Office, and to tell 'M' of our
mission. Boy was he mad.
"He started yelling and screaming
about how we these bunch of wimps, and how he needed to get a whole
other bunch of much radder agents that aren't afraid to take a risk,
'cause he bets that he could find someone out there that would
actually do it for him. After he was done ranting like he always
does when things don't go his way, I spoke up, and told him that
they already lived together, and that they were quite happy doing
so.
"This comment crushed Boss. All he
could keep on muttering was that how he couldn't believe that
someone always gets there FIRST, and it drives him CRAZY! 'Q,' in a
fit of compassion told him that he hates it when that almost more
than anything else.
"Currently, I really don't know the
status of the Demosthenian Secret Service; without 'M's paranoid
delusions, I can't think of any sort of Capital-E Evil plan to
plan. Maybe after some beers tonight he'll feel better, and be his
old sneaky self again."
Respectfully submitted this 23rd day of
October, 1997,
Michael J. Shumaker
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University of Georgia 