Minutes of the DLS: September 30, 1999

"Slone and his band of merry men"

The darling damsels and their forest followers made their way into town to find a way to overthrow Crouse. The only one missing was Patton, who refused to stop hugging his tree and come along.

Just after they entered town, wench Wood pointed out a man stood on the street corner, and as they passed he called out, "Hey, you need something, you want a date?"

Goodhew recognized the man and asked, "Morgan, what are you doing?"

"I’m the town whore -- it’s the only way I can support my hair products addiction," he confessed, and ran a hand through his well-coifed locks. Slone silently added up the money with him, and shook his head as he realized Morgan was probably out of his price range.

Goodhew continued, "So that’s why you’re always around so many ladies..." and the others chorused an "Ohhhh, that’s it." Maid Bennewitz told him of their mission and he joined the group.

Before they could get to Crouse of Food Services, they made a pit stop at Mama Peppino’s Tavern to check out some ruckus. Inside they found Little Rivner squabbling with some barmaids about a broken chair. "It was broken before! No really!" Slone and Goodhew dragged him aside, while Maid Bennewitz settled the matter with a small bribe.

"Look, why don’t we stop here for a while and plan our strategy," wench Wilson suggested. "I mean, we wouldn’t just want to storm in screaming, yelling, and shooting arrows every which way."

Slone followed her lead, "Oh yes, of course, of course" all the while thinking that what she just listed had sounded like pretty good strategy to him. These chicks were full of crazy ideas.

The meeting was called to order at 7:25p.m. Minutes were made subject to adjournment. The society recognized 14 first time guests, three second and third time guests, and alumn Mr. Smiley c/o ‘99. Mr. Goodhew was appointed critic.

In programs, guest speaker Dr. Bullock discussed the requirements for redistricting, particularly how "the political influence of minorities shall not be diluted" has taken on primacy in the 1990s, and the difficulty of its interaction with the many other requirements for fair redistricting. He presented,

BIR: Racially drawn districts are harmful to representative government.

Respectfully,

Charles S. Bullock

Mr. Morgan followed to examine who the winners are in racially drawn districts. In the end, minorities lose by not offering their voices to the overall elections.

Mr. Cohoon saw these districts as an appropriate, rational step to correct past under-representation. Symbolic representation is also important to the community.

Mr. Crouse stated that if votes followed exactly the composition of the country, we would have a white-washed congress; this measure is needed to preserve the minority voice.

Ms. Rehn pointed out that if no preferences, the house would resemble the Senate, where there are no minorities.

Mrs. Jelic, guest, asked the society whether ethnic interests and differences override geographic ones; segregating minorities is a show of doubting that they can help themselves.

Mr. Pyrdum stated that in redistricting, geography matters on the local, but not the national, level; he asked just what was wrong with squiggly shapes.

Ms. Mikel thought that most people do not realize that they reside in these districts; they must be told that they have this power for it to be effective.

Mr. Rivner supported the resolution since even with representatives minorities still have no power in face of more numerous reps elected from other districts; minorities would be able to influence the candidates in more diverse districts.

Mr. Callahan stated that racially drawn districts don’t work -- you will never create something to perfectly represent everyone.

Mr. Patton thought minority districts are racist -- showing groups trying to gain the bloc power whites once had.

Mr. Cureton, guest, explained that these districts are needed to give fair representation, as well as diversity and symbolic representation.

The question was called, reaching a 5 to 5 tie with the guests and passing 14 to 4 among the membership.

The society moved into petitions for membership. Ms. Zinski rose to describe how her personal political views are represented in "Its the End of the World as We Know It" by REM, and recited the lyrics. She was accepted into membership.

In committee reports, Ms. Bennewitz rose for finance to remind us that dues are due! Her report was accepted. Ms. Frawley took the floor for Public Relations and thanked people for hanging Bullock fliers.

There was no old business, so the society attempted to move into new business. An eager Cohoon jumped the gun, and Mr. Morgan moved to have him ejected for the upper chamber. The motion failed.

Mr. Cohoon then successfully took the floor and explained that the environment has no inherent value, even our environmental concerns come out of self-interest. He offered,

BIR: Nature exists exclusively for the benefit of humanity.

Respectfully submitted,

Jack C.

Mr. Rivner described humans as the ultimate parasitic creature in nature -- that is why we think nature is there to serve us.

Ms. Johnson pointed out that humans are also animals, part of nature, and described the equality of everything in the environment.

Mr. Callahan used new math to find the resolution 150% correct. Nature was created for, by, and revolves around humans.

Mr. Smiley stated that the master species is one that can replicate itself without destroying everything around it.

Ms. Mendoza reflected that humans do have a spiritual connection to nature -- we can sense it, perhaps they can too.

Mr. Miller explained that nature has value because we exist to give it value.

Mr. Flis, guest, agreed with the presenter that nature exists through and for each individual.

Mr. Cooper, guest, declared that through the damage we have wrought, humans have in deed made the environment for ourselves.

Mr. Pyrdum said a connection requires two ends; nature exudes spiritual sense for us, and thus has value because we care.

Mr. Morgan patriotically stated that the resolution’s flaw was that it did not point out that nature exists for the benefit of Americans.

The question was called, passing 6 to Ramsay with the guests and failing 4 to 9 among the members.

Big Louie Rivner rose, and describing the campaign to end binge drinking as a scourge attacking college campuses, he presented,

BIR: In the words of Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill, "I [we] have taken more benefits from alcohol, than alcohol has taken from me [us]."

Respectfully,

Asher Louis Rivner

Winston Churchill

Baxter Morgan

Adam "Brewmeister" Smiley

Mr. Morgan said college is the time to get binge drinking and alcohol out of your system; to bad mouth alcohol is to badmouth America.

Mr. Smiley was perfectly willing to badmouth America; he explained that alcohol will get you through everything, it has connections.

Mr. Callahan said, "right on man, right on" and continued that the campaign against binge drinking is the man out to keep us down.

Mr. Lasher, guest, approached the resolution with ambivalence, reflecting on his time in Europe; in his life he had not seen only positive overall benefits to people.

Mr. Flis, guest, noted that as a Canadian citizen it was his birthright to badmouth Americans, on a serious note the positives of alcohol do not outweigh the deaths associated with it.

Ms. Bauhan, guest, pointed out that the resolution was obvious, since alcohol could not possibly receive benefits from us.

Mr. Morgan took the floor a second time to explain how the resolution was inherently true.

Mr. Kolychev, guest, stated that alcohol is okay in moderation, not the cause of problems associated with it.

Ms. Rehn reflected on the idea of everything in moderation, and took issue with the glorification of alcohol by college students.

The question was called, failing 4 to 5 among guests and also 4 to 5 among the membership. Mr. Rivner subsequently attempted to lunge and strangle Mr. Morgan for casting the decisive negative vote.

The society adjourned at 11:20, subject to the minutes and Mr. Goodhew’s critic’s report.

Everyone filled up the long table in back, and began talking about strategy. Well, at least a few of the women did. Slone brought a pitcher of ale to the table, and somehow everyone became a little distracted. Eventually the strategy session slid into loud laughter, and slurred, confused words. Just as Maid Bennewitz tried to win their attention back to the quest --

"Whoa look, its Real Sex 22,000!" Cohoon happily exclaimed.

"Alright! This is a great episode" Alsen chimed in.

Inspired, wench Rehn turned to Morgan and with a sly grin suggested, "What a romp?"

His reply was, "sure, where’s the money?"

"But I’m your girlfriend!!"

"Hey, nobody gets this for free."

Slone slid a five dollar bill towards him. With a cry of "cool… conditioner!" Morgan jumped up, and the two made their way to a back room.

"What if we just confront Crouse and talk to him? He’ll listen to reason," Maid Bennewitz offered the remaining folks.

"Talking’s no good, just shoot ‘im full of arrows" countered Goodhew.

Again the ladies won out, deciding a verbal confrontation would be best. Bennewitz wanted to leave at once, but looking around to see Alsen, wench Wilson, wench Kravig, and Little Rivner passed out on the table, she sighed and decided to wait until tomorrow.

Respectfully submitted,

Kelly Frawley