Minutes of the DLS: October 21, 1999

"Ready to go hunt some treasure?" el presidente Slone asked. The crowd was gathered with bags of equipment that might become necessary, including some tea and crumpets packed by Goodhew, who insisted on making the whole thing a bit more civilized. Only Moultrie was missing, busy closing a drug deal downtown.

Following the complex directions, the map took them all the way... over to Boulevard, and Sloe suddenly found himself standing with everyone else in front of his own house.

"There has to be some kind of mistake... Hey, wait!"

"Treasure, treasure" was the chant as they let themselves in and began rummaging through the house in hopes of finding something, anything. In Slone’s room, Kravig noticed the big poster on the wall with the three safety rules for self love, handed down to him from a former Demosthenian. The only other thing anyone came up with was a discovery of Moultrie’s bong collection. Well, Morgan also discovered her hair care products, and decided to just carry those off with him.

The meeting was called to order at 7:32 p.m. The society recognized first time guest Dr. Lindquist and alumn Mr. Wells. Ms. Wood was appointed critic.

In petitions for membership, Ms. Bauhan let the society in on the secret of her mystical powers -- the fact that she is a twin -- and answered some frequently asked questions. She was accepted into membership.

In new business, Mr. Cooper rose to describe Florida’s attempt to maneuver around the unconstitutionality of graduation prayers; their policy means a popularity contest of religions. He presented,

Be it resolved: Florida’s public school graduation prayer policy should be abolished.

Respectfully submitted,

Isreal Cooper

Ms. Rehn cited her personal experience of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes making others feel isolated; you should not feel excluded at school.

Mr. Patton asked what was so wrong with a majority? The majority of the student body should be able to make rational decisions for the whole.

Mr. Wells thought the resolution might take away from the freedom of non-religious speech on graduation day; the fear of religious zealotry may lead to restricted speech.

Ms. Johnson felt divided on the issue, and reflected that if even different Christian groups cannot agree on a graduation prayer, then it must be wrong.

Even though Ms. Zinski is areligious, she felt that the majority should have its way on this issue; if we strive to make every person happy we will never get anything done.

Mr. Rivner stated that in order to have freedom of religion, we must have freedom from religion; he also explained that student do not care about the effects of their actions on others.

Mr. Cureton questioned the extent to which the rights of the minority are being violated in this instance; it is only two minutes.

Mr. Pyrdum admitted he was one of those smart alecks in high school; he noted that the founding fathers were trying to escape severe persecution, not a minor situation like prayer at graduation.

Ms. Frawley thought the problem was already solved by the baccalaureate service, people who choose to may go to that for prayers and reflection on graduation.

Mr. Callahan said that no right, including the right to express oneself, is absolute, and there are no rights in high school; life is not fair, move on.

Mr. Kolychev, guest, reflected on high school and noted that no one said the pledge; if people wish to say a prayer they should just do it.

Mr. Cohoon explained that society couldn’t have religion tainted by political aspects; religion also should not be reduced to a popularity contest.

Mr. Miller agreed with the resolution and felt that the state should not have a voice in the matter of prayer; he discussed the separation of church and state as well as school and state.

Mr. Flis, guest, thought that if Christians were to fit the stereotype of the nice guys, they ought to choose option B, a literary quote, over option A, prayer.

Mr. Morgan reminded the society that the Constitution is a flawed document, freedom of religion was one of the first corrections; the rights of the minorities must be protected.

The question was called, passing 5 to 1 among the guests and 13 to 6 among the membership.

Mr. Morgan compared the fashion sense of women and men, turned to TV for answers and found even more bizarre clothing. He offered,

Be it resolved: Fashion sense makes no sense at all.

Respectfully,

Baxter Ryan Morgan

Ms. Rehn rose to defend herself, her closets, and her fashion sense.

Mr. Pyrdum, paragon of fashion, explained it all through a formalist critique of fashion -- it is a continual process of "making strange."

Mr. Patton felt the resolution criticized American culture; wouldn’t we all like to see these runway fashions on the streets?

Mr. Callahan related his painful experience of not making fashion sense as a child; he asked where these fashion rules come from.

Mr. Cohoon used to be skeptical like Agent Scully, but now he knows fashion does not simply evolve but is controlled by an elite command. At some point Cohoon also started jumping and jiving in the well.

Ms. Kravig explained that sex, sex, sex is at the core of fashion sense, and educated the society on the purpose of the thong.

Mr. Flis, a very fashionable guest, thought the resolution distasteful, describing his grandfather’s old clothes as the height of fashion.

Mr. Crouse stated that a tie is not fashion, you are really just hanging yourself.

The question was called, failing 2 to 3 with the guests and 9 to 11 with the members.

Mr. Cohoon thought that an epic battle between good and evil was not an antiquated statement; spirits of the dead still affect us. He presented,

Whereas, the campus of the University of Georgia, and especially North Campus, is haunted by evil demons, and,

Whereas, possession by evil demons might lead Demosthenians to recite poetry in meetings, and,

Whereas, evil demons can be repelled by the smell of burning fish liver, or gently roasting pumpkins, and,

Whereas, the smell of burning fish liver is gross,

Be it resolved, the President of the Demosthenian Literary Society shall appoint a committee of freshman members who shall secure two pumpkins, carving them into suitable Jack O’ Lanterns to be placed on the stoop of Demosthenian Hall on the evening of October 28th, 1999 and guarded by freshmen members until meeting’s end.

Respectfully submitted,

Jack Emerson Cohoon

Mr. Pyrdum felt the resolution was meaningless because it was an absolute certainty that the pumpkins would be carved and guarded by freshmen members.

Mr. Patton reminded the society of his Halloween birthday, and explained that he therefore had special knowledge about demons.

Mr. Miller stated that he is one of those who smokes; he also noted that it seems he’s now a 4th-year freshman.

The question was called, passing 12 to 3.

A motion passed for the society to move back into old business; the constitutional amendment was untabled, and Mr. Goodhew took the floor to explain the effects of the change.

Mr. Pyrdum offered an amendment to the amendment, which then read:

Be it resolved,

            The Constitution of the Demosthenian Literary Society shall be amended in Article X, section 6 to read:

"Secretaries shall preserve all papers they have generated during their term of office and turn them over properly sorted and neatly labeled in both hard copy and in an electronic format, passing on all necessary papers and electronic media to the archives at the end of their term. Secretaries shall preserve as well all other pertinent papers of the Society that they accumulate during their term, handing them over to the Historian, who will see to their ultimate fate."

The question of the amendment to the amendment was called and passed, and the question of the constitutional amendment was called and also passed by a unanimous vote.

Mr. Pyrdum took the floor to offer beginners’ guide to Demosthenian; the best way to generate resolutions is for members to interact with each other outside of the meetings.

The society moved back into new business.

Mr. Rivner rose to criticize a recent Red and Black column, and the hypocritical actions of student judiciary members who prosecute other students. He presented,

BIR: The Student Judiciary is full of hypocrites and should be disbanded.

Respectfully submitted,

Asher Louis Rivner

Mr. Pyrdum defended student judiciary, describing his personal experience with the process and his French classes.

Mr. Morgan defended himself as well as judiciary; there used to be some abuses, but these are mostly gone. The resolution was a bit much.

Ms. Yarber felt that its good to have students there since they might be more understanding since they have committed wrongs also.

Mr. Slone detailed his run ins with business school cheaters; the school needs a system to govern those who will not govern themselves.

Mr. Goodhew also cited his experience with cheaters; teachers should make it clear what is and is not cheating.

Mr. Miller took issue with the notion that everyone is a hypocrite; he added that self-discipline is the only discipline that matters.

Ms. Johnson took the column with a grain of salt, but felt student judiciary should use caution in exercising its power.

The question was called, failing 0 to 2 with guests and 2 to 11 with members.

The society adjourned at 11:05 p.m. subject to Ms. Wood’s critic’s report.

After finding nary a treasure in the house, people were getting frustrated. Rivner piped up, "There is only one logical, practical next step. If we simply blow up the house, then we can dig underneath it."

"Hey, great joke, ha ha, right?" laughed Slone a little nervously.

Wilson, ever the anarchist, produced some dynamite sticks from her pack, "You never know when nitroglycerin might come in handy."

Deciding that Slone might interfere, Cureton and Alsen tied him up to a nearby tree, and all he could do was yell out, "Noooooooo!" as his house blew into the sky. Everyone ooed and ahed over the impromptu fireworks, while Slone sobbed over his lost house, and more importantly his lost Star Wars toys.

Respectfully submitted,

Kelly Frawley