Minutes of the DLS: November 18, 1999

We just finished up the first of tonight’s two matches... It was a team event, a match for the hearts, minds, and souls of the society, as well as one of the stranger Celebrity Death Matches we’ve held here.

On one side were the heretics themselves -- the Tech fans in our midst. Callahan and Bennewitz. What still baffles me folks, is why this Callahan fellow was preaching his doctrine of Tech supremacy while clad in red and black Bulldog apparel.

Opposing them, the defenders of the faith, Morgan and Cohoon. In an interview before the match, I asked Morgan why he was here. He said, "we do it out of love, to show them the error of their ways, and to set wrongs right -- by any means necessary."

When asked whether these means might include a sign of loyalty such as shaving a G into his hair, Morgan took a moment to respond. After four minutes and thirty seconds, he replied that some things are just too crazy even for him.

The meeting was called to order at 7:07 p.m. The society recognized alum Rev. Mr. Wells c/o ’91. Mr. Morgan was appointed critic. The president made several announcements to prep the society for its journey across the way.

At 7:25 p.m. the society recessed to join the intersociety meeting, but reconvened five minutes later when it was learned that Alpha Epsilon was not ready… they had been locked out of their upper chamber. Perhaps they should have asked for one of our keys to the Brickheap.

Taking the extra time to move along into new business, Mr. Pyrdum took the floor, describing his journey through a series of truths, in which he had been left unsatisfied. He argued that ignorance is bliss and presented,

Be it resolved: The search for truth is futile.

Respectfully,

Carl S. Pyrdum

Mr. Crouse argued that no matter the outcome, it is better to know the truth; to act otherwise is a waste of your time in life.

Ms. Mendoza said that we all struggle with eternal truths, but an active search is wrong; just live your daily life and truth will find you.

Mr. Miller asked why, if the search is futile, do so many engage in it? He does so and finds satisfaction in the process.

Mr. Rivner said there is nothing wrong with searching for answers, but made a distinction between looking for knowledge and for absolute truths.

Ms. Lane, guest, offered that the search for both knowledge and truth is a part of human life; giving up that search is a life lived in darkness.

Ms. Johnson said that we are all searching for some sort of truth, and there is nothing sadder than not searching.

The society recessed again at 8:05 p.m. to go across the way, where the Demosthenians wowed the other side by showing them exactly what it means to speak and to debate. As predicted, Mr. Pyrdum’s time was extended, and he snagged their president on matters of parliamentary procedure.

The meeting reconvened at 11:40 p.m., with Ms. Mendoza leading the society in a rousing Demosthenian cheer.

Still being in new business, Mr. Pyrdum took the floor to amend his resolution so that it read:

Be it resolved: The search for truth is futile over there.

Respectfully,

Carl S. Pyrdum

It was accepted by acclamation and the society adjourned at 11:45 p.m. subject to Mr. Morgan’s 31min 50sec critic’s report.

The crowd was a factor in this match unlike any other, and once the action got started, things became fierce. The audience was hypnotized. At one point Cohoon had Callahan pinned to the floor, yelling at him, "admit it! You like Tech for the ugly girls!"

A man jumped up from his seat in the crowd shouting back, "Amen brother, I’ve seen the light, I’m converted!" Childs enthusiastically made his way into the ring, and with one deft move took out Bennewitz.

"Hey! That was illegal, Ref! Ref!" Callahan desperately shouted to the Rev. Mr. Wells, who looked up from the movie he was watching ringside. "What? I didn’t see any illegal play," he responded and went back to his business.

"Oops! Soooo sorry, really, I guess that was just a bad call," smirked Morgan, kicking Callahan in the head where he was still pinned down. The final blow ended the match, and true to their heritage, Morgan and Cohoon celebrated by quaffing lemonade until they passed out.

So that’s the recap of tonight’s action. Don’t miss tomorrow’s Cold War match: Dmitri the Siberian versus Mr. Reaganomics, Big Louie Rivner. More trash-talk and blood then! Goodnight!

Respectfully submitted,

Kelly Frawley