Minutes of the DLS: December 2, 1999

Cheerio! The name’s Goodhew -- "Kahl" Goodhew: 007, a license to kill... and I’ll be your reigning secretary for the next 15 weeks. Right-o!

I’m very excited about next semester. This is just another advance in my plan to re-colonize America for the motherland. When I get my way, Sanford Stadium will be turned into a cricket field, and we can all sing "God Save the Queen" before each meeting.

I know I always sing it to myself in the shower, where I hang my picture of Elizabeth II. Nothing sexier than showering with a royal in the morning.

Yep, everything is moving according to plan. I just hope no one finds out the truth -- the reason I look young is that I am only 16 after all. I don’t even really go to this University; I’ve got to finish up high school. Why else would I live at home with mummy and daddy?

The meeting was called to order at 7:30 p.m. The society welcomed 3 first time guests and a third time guest. Ms. Bauhan was appointed critic.

In programs, Mr. Ramsay rose amongst much hissing as Censor Morum to report on and scold the society for its immorality. Glossy photos, handcuffs, empty bottles, and scandalous repots makes it look as though many a member should expect a stocking full of coal from Santa this year.

During committee reports, Ms. Bennewitz took the floor as Treasurer, reminding us when to stay away from the hall and that money had been approved for the Toombs’ house trip.

The society then took up the task of elections. To the victors go the spoils...

President: Mr. Rivner

Vice President: Mr. Cohoon

Chief Justice: Ms. Frawley

Associate Justices: Ms. Wilson and Mr. Crouse

Secretary: Mr. Goodhew

            Librarian: Ms. Mikel

            Sergeant-at-arms: Mr. Ramsay

For whatever reason, Mr. Morgan pointed out that this evening was day seven of fifteen days of 007. It was also noted that Mr. Cohoon is an American citizen, not a Canadian citizen.

Special elections for custodian and faculty advisor were announced for the upcoming meeting.

The bench resumed. Under the new regime, the society moved back into petitions for membership. Mr. Oudi took the floor to briefly describe the greatness of coffee, and he was accepted into membership.

The society adjourned at 11:40 p.m. subject to Ms. Bauhan’s critic’s report.

Anyway, I think I’m going to enjoy myself. My British heritage has made me familiar with something else -- boarding school buggery. All I can say is that I’m looking forward to some real manly love serving on this bench.

Ahhh... you can just smell the testosterone up here.    

Our new president has some plans as well. First off, he insists that Cohoon and I refer to him lovingly as "Big Louie," and that we respect his "Presidential Privileges." I guess this has to do with his insistence that we play footsie during the meetings. He’s also set the date for things like a "Freeballing Bench Night" and "No-Pants Night."

I’m not sure if things like that are constitutional, but I’m not going to question him. Male bonding hasn’t been this much fun since... well, since Big Louie, Cohoon, and I were on the judicial council last semester. Go figure. Freeballing and footsie, here we go!

Respectfully submitted,

Karl Goodhew -- Acting Secretary

and

Kelly Frawley -- Authoring Secretary