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Minutes for Demosthenian Meeting for the 20th
of April, 2000
Hi, this is Karl Goodhew, previous secretary
that used to sit in this very spot. This set of minutes
traditionally made fun of the new secretary and made them feel as
uncomfortable as humanly possible. However, due to events that have
happened outside of Demosthenian, events that should never have been
brought into this upper chamber, if I even mention anything that
remotely sounds like I’m making fun, I’ll be hated for the rest of
my time here in Demosthenian. For example… If I were to mention
that I (I’m Sara now) would never watch a movie that made any
kind of money because I’m stuck up and know what art is, Karl
wouldn’t be liked very much. Further more, if I commented how I’m
aiming for a degree in English and Film studies and that I should
start to learn how to earn some cash now so that I can support
myself throughout the long periods of unemployment. Karl would be
heavily criticized. Of course, I would be able to have a smart
comeback and talk about my endowment, that’ll sure help with the
costs. What I mean with that is that there are lots of unsuspecting
European men around here who could put me through till I’m 65. Of
course, Karl couldn’t mention that because he would be labeled mean
and heartless. Karl could go on and on for pages about how I change
characters when talking to different people… but again, that would
be reckless and suicidal on his part, why would he jeopardize his
relationships with those who like me? After all, he could go on to
comment about them! Hours of slanderous talk about the double
sidedness of the supporters… how they’re nice one day and bashing
the same person the next! But again, that’s political suicide, and
would never be read in the upper chamber. After all, it might hurt
someone’s feelings.
The meeting was called to order with Reverend
Mr. Wells present and Mr. Alsen was appointed critic. A motion was
made to allow proxy votes and a motion to allow absentee votes.
Both were accepted. Ms. Bennewitz gave her final finance committee
report. She reminded us about the Spring Banquet for April 29th
at 5pm.
A motion to move into new business passed and
the resolution was put on the floor Be it resolved, DLS should
allocate $5000 for two nice leather couches from Haverty’s for the
downstairs as selected by Ms. Becky Johnson. Respectfully
submitted, Katie Bennewitz.
It was subsequently tabled for later debate.
We moved back into special elections and the
fur began to fly.
The results of the elections are as follows:
For President, Ms. Frawley; Vice-President, Mr.
Goodhew; Chief Justice Mr. Morgan with Associate Justices Mr. Patton
and Ms. Mikell; Secretary, Ms. Kravig; Treasurer, Ms. Johnson;
Historian, Ms. Wilson; Librarian, Mr. Miller; Custodian, Mr. Roca;
Sergeant at Arms, Ms. Webb.
After the oath we moved into new business and
Mr. Slone took the floor. He commented on how much the editor of
the Norton Anthology, Ms. Baym, had helped the debate team win a
stunning victory in the intersociety debate. He presented, Be it
Resolved, Ms. Baym should be inducted into honorary membership,
furthermore, the Secretary shall write a letter to inform her of the
victory in the intersociety debate and the honorary membership.
Respectfully submitted, everyone who signed it.
The resolution passed 16 to 0.
We then adjourned subject to Mr. Alsen’s short
critics report and other notices at 11:40 post meridiem.
So… What you’re probably thinking at the moment
is that Karl is evil and underhandedly placing comments into the
minutes so that I get embarrassed, pe-shaw! I’m not offended by any
of this! Anyway, I have 17 weeks to get him back… so let’s all have
a little fun while we still can! While we were listening to the
minutes I had a thought… you know Karl has been very generous so far
not to bring up certain political topics. Let me share, it’s good
that he hasn’t mentioned the argument that if a political party put
up a candidate who wasn’t the best for the job… I’m not saying that
the candidate is worthless or even not great, but he’s not the best…
and he’s ran for office, mmmm… 6 or 7 years. Would people still
vote him in if he’s not going to use public funds as well as some
other person? <Pause> That was completely off-topic; I don’t know
where I was going with that. Yes, I’m thankful that Karl hasn’t
brought up anything like that. It really does make me feel good to
be on the bench with him. Not only are these minutes completely
harmless and funny, but I know that whenever I need a suggestion for
a set of minutes, I have someone who really knows his stuff only two
seats down to give me some help! One thing that I’m really glad he
hasn’t mentioned… remember last fall? When I ran in elections?
Well, I have a confession to make. Some of you weren’t here, but
I’ll fill you in. It was election night, and things hadn’t been
going too well. Anyways, I got nominated for position of Custodian,
a position that I later won. Well, when you’re nominated, you speak
on the stump – that night, I almost fell off! I couldn’t believe
it! After only a couple of drinks I was inebriated! Never before
had I drunk so little and got so drunk! It was kinda embarrassing
as I remember it. Not that do remember it!
Oh, I’m so glad that Karl never mentioned any
of the above. But remember, had this been someone else sat up here,
Karl would never have been hated as much as he will for the next
semester. I feel kind of sorry for him. After all, I am a big girl
now, and I can defend for myself!
Well, I’ll let you guys get on with your
meeting. I’ll sure be sad to see everyone leaving…
Respectfully submitted,
Karl Goodhew (Author of these minutes)
Sara Kravig (New secretary)
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