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The Minutes as they
were originally intended, between 7 and 7:45 pm, Saturday the 22nd
of February, 2003.
Minutes for February
20th, 2003
Just
before I get started, can I see how much former Secretaries there
are here? Great: More people to criticize me. I can get that from
my girlfriend.
Anyways,
another All-Night Meeting is upon us. I don’t know if you’ve
noticed, but this one’s a big one. 200 years is a long time. If I
recall correctly, Mr. Lewis, weren’t you here when it all got
started?
It’s good
to see so many folks here. Carl Pyrdum: I’m glad they thawed you
out for this, man! Gilbert Head spoke this morning. It’s nice to
see him outside of the archives, where they keep him chained up with
the skeletons and the cask of amontillado.
Now, I
know some of you aren’t used to the format of these minutes, so let
me spell it out for you:
YOU WILL LISTEN TO
EVERY DAMN YANKEE WORD I HAVE TO SAY
Also, we tend to
spend more time talking about the society than actually telling what
happened the last meeting.
Speaking
of which, the young man next to me is Robert Wesley. He’s our
President. We decided that if everything went to Hell for the big
200th, we wanted to pin it on somebody we didn’t like.
Also, Bobby cries a lot, and it’s pretty funny to watch him cry.
He’s not exactly the most masculine man, so says his girlfriend.
I’ve come up here many times at night and seen him sitting in his
chair, having a mock meeting while wearing a dress and talking in a
high pitched voice. I just stood there and laughed, and then I
motioned to have the meeting adjourned. The “people” in the hall
must have agreed, because we adjourned subject to Mr. Toombs’
critic’s report.
Anyways,
enough of that. This past Thursday, we had our normal meeting which
began late as meetings have for a really really long time. We had
four first time guests and oddly, no guests who were returning.
After Mr.
Cull was appointed critic, Ms. Rodenburg was welcomed into
membership.
Mr. Lewis
spoke on behalf of himself and his
säubernstaffell, which means his cleaning crew
J.
Mr.
Lerner said that we were done, but obviously, you see that
yourselves tonight.
Mr.
Grosse said that the programs committee finally decided on rules for
the prepared speeches which Mr. Lewis wanted to do before.
Ms.
Ramsay said that there is finally a calendar in the lower chamber so
we know when people have rented out the hall. I once walked in on
women who were changing, so I certainly appreciate the value of a
calendar.
Mr.
Patton then presented a resolution on why we were here. Not WHY
WE’RE HERE in the universe, but WHY WE’RE HERE as in having a
Demosthenian Meeting. As many of you know, we haven’t had a meeting
traditionally on the Thursday before the ANM, but we figured it was
a good idea.
This
resolution was presented by Mr. Patton in the truest form possible:
On a bar napkin. Also, he told us about getting caught with his
pants down, literally, at the Ramsay center. He had, in his
absurdity, forgotten to put running shorts on. We all laughed at
him, and we’re hoping that tonight, there are several layers under
his suit.
Mr.
Wesley, being the momma’s boy that he is, said that we did it for
his mom so she could see him in action. We see him in action every
week. It’s not that exciting really.
Mr. Lewis
said that in true Demosthenian form, we have improvised tonight and
that we should continue on.
I, Amish
Trivedi, said that the Heapers were celebrating their 183 years of
being there, which isn’t really accurate because they closed down a
lot, and not just during a WAR, which is very different then closing
down because PEOPLE WOULDN’T SHOW UP.
Ms. Webb
said that there are better things to do in Athens, which is
certainly true.
Mr.
Lerner said that people have shown up, and therefore we should have
a debate.
We made
the question an important one, and also made it a roll call vote,
and you know who called for it (Todd Lewis, of course). I’m not
going to bore you with the specific details, but I will add them in
for later, I promise. I had to help poor Mr. Theiss because he
couldn’t read my handwriting in the roll book.
The
resolution failed.
Ms.
Findling presented
BIR: The UN and the left have sold out on
their support for human rights. Respectfully submitted Mary Ellen
Findling
Ms.
Copley said we should deal with the important issues of this war on
Iraq, and not the minor issues.
Mr.
Lewis, of course, rose to said that civilian deaths are inevitable,
which begs whether the left has sold out, or whether Mr. Lewis has.
I say Todd has.
Mr.
Moulds said that the end goals of the UN were good and that the
Iraqi civilians have the ability to revolt. Hmmm….
Ms. Webb
said she didn’t know what the left was, which Mr. Lewis defined as
HER. Hmmmm…. She suggested using the international criminal court
against Hussein
Mr.
Addison, of course spoke in favor of the resolution. He said that
the UN has allowed the atrocities that go on in Iraq to…well…go on…
Ms.
D’Andrea brought up the fact that we’re all horrible and that we
should look at human rights violations elsewhere than just Iraq. I
committed some human rights violations last year on myself by eating
at the dining halls. Also, she did the worst Todd Lewis dance EVER,
but it’s much better than watching Todd dance.
Ms.
Skrmetti spoke against the resolution saying that is doesn’t go far
enough. What about the violations we have in America.
Mr. Smith
said we’d have many wars to fight if human rights was the issue.
Mr.
Grosse said that the man should just admit that the war is about oil
and that we, the United States are the “Al Capone” of the world.
Mr.
Theiss said that parts of the resolution were worded poorly.
Laura
Knight took up the minutes at this point. Laura, if you ever refer
to me as “Mr. T.” in my notebook again, I’m going to take you across
the way and let them deal with you. I PITY THE FOOL WHO CALLS ME
MR. T!
I said
that it’s nice that the leftist folks haven’t gotten pulled into the
Lewis/Findling scheme to get us to admit that we were wrong and thus
give them a reason for war.
Ms.
Duncan then spoke and said that the term left needed a definition
and that the UN and the left are working for human rights in other
ways.
The
resolution did something, but again, it wasn’t written down. From
now on, I’m just going to stay on the bench since I can’t trust any
of you!
Mr. Bogue,
a guest, then rose to present a resolution on Andrew W.K. For
those alumni who don’t know who he is, you’re asking the wrong guy.
I’ve heard of him. His last album cover scarred me for life. He
put forth that Mr. W.K. was the king of rock in 2002, and would
continue in 2003. We immediately called the question and Bobby went
home and cried for hours to his mommy.
The
resolution passed 7-6, with a lot of people really not paying
attention, I think.
Mr.
Addison then rose and presented:
Whereas financial donations are protected
as freedom of speech, BIR: Donations to subversive groups should be
protected by the 1st amendment. Res Sub Matthew Frat Boy
Addison, Jennifer Skrmetti, and Steven Moulds.
Mr. Lewis
rose and said that it should be illegal to give money to groups who
kill people.
Mr.
Lerner said that treason is bad and that we must maintain free
speech but we can’t support those that kill and are a threat.
Mr.
Miller said that a right such as habeas corpus is meant to protect
those that allegedly have committed a crime.
Mr.
Moulds said that most of the world doesn’t see eye-to-eye on what a
terrorist is and who these terrorists are.
Ms.
Skrmetti said that we are allowed to support anything and be
protected by the first amendment.
The
resolution passed 9-5 and we adjourned after Mr. Cull’s critique.
Just as a
final note, for those of you who think I’m not funny and can’t get a
laugh, you may kiss my pristinus posterioris.
J
Respectfully
submitted,
Amish Trivedi |
University of Georgia 