Minutes of the DLS: March 27, 2003

So, as many of you know, my license was suspended. I sent everyone an email on the listserv, but somehow you morons were more concerned with this fargin war than with the fact that I am prisoner. I hate you all.

Not really, it’s just awful being stuck out there. I beg for pity, ladies and gentlemen, and I received none. How would any of you feel? Well, not Todd, he doesn’t feel at all, but the rest of you.

Ah, so Bobby lost at racquetball. I suppose it was inevitable. From what Heidi tells me, Bobby is pretty clumsy and doesn’t handle the racquet well at all. More practice will help, I’m sure, Vash.

Anyways, so we had two first time guests and no returning guests.

In committee reports, Ms. Hines talked about painting the street which, from what I hear, a few people did. I went out to see it before, but I couldn’t because there was a bus on top of it. But I’m sure I’ll get a chance to check it out soon.

Ms. Ramsay’s finance report was accepted.

Ms. Parker said that we can now open the windows before we jump out of them, as long as someone locks it back. We are all proud of Ms. Parker for all the hard work she has done.

Mr. Cull said he needs someone to take over the website. I’d do it Tom, but every time I go on the internet, I just end up looking at porn. Not the kind of sick porn Bobby likes, but porn nonetheless.

Bobby mentioned Relay for Life, which is tomorrow night. For those of you who don’t see me enough, I will be there, signing autographs from 8:30 to 11 pm.

In new business, Ms. Knight presented

BIR Where as polygamy is against the law and appears to promote the suppression of women, including various forms of abuse against women, practicing polygamy should be actively prosecuted. Res Sub Laura Knight

Mr. Miller said that the government should not make any laws that deal with whom you can marry, etc.

Mr. Lewis said that there is the separation of church and state and that polygamy laws exist because of religion.

Mr. Mathes said that these laws make many crazy about marriage and that they become violent as a result. Let it be known that Mr. Mathes felt no sadness for the death of a person.

Ms. Prabhakar (THAT’S PRUH-BAH-KER) said that while the government doesn’t have the right to tell us who to marry, the system doesn’t treat women fairly. Does any system, Ms. Prabhakar?

Ms. Ballou, sticking to just the facts, maim, told us about the Mormon church. My experience with the Mormon church comes from knowing a guy and a girl I went to high school with, and the two of them standing out on the dance floor and not dancing because they couldn’t dance. Not like David Smith can’t dance, but as in they weren’t allowed to dance!

Mr. Cull, who needs a haircut (THERE! I SAID IT!) said that polygamy is illegal and that it goes against the social norms and trappings.

Ms. Skrmetti said wrongly that women can marry as many men as they want. Aww, but they can’t. She also said something about sex laws, which only reminded me of the great Beck song.

Ms. D’Andrea said that promiscuity is not illegal. No it’s not, Ms. D’Andrea. No it’s not.

Mr. Smith said that he agrees with the resolution except for the "Whereas" part of it.

Mr. Addison, said that laws should be enforced. Now, Matt, did you come up with that on your own or did one of your frat brothers tell you that?

Ms. Winchell spoke before the resolution was passed 17-4. Ms. Ballou abstained, and Mr. Gallagher, isn’t that bright.

Mr. Lewis presented a quick resolution that reads:

BIR: That, here forth, in every meeting past the fourth of the semester, if there be any members who have not paid their dues, then the Treasurer shall report their names during committee reports. Res Sub Todd Lewis

There was no debate and the resolution passed 19-5, with Mr. Lerner mentioning that new members aren’t subject to this rule, unless they have passed their 4^th meeting as a member.

Ms. Prabhakar presented

BIR The Guantanamo Bay detainees should be extradited or brought before a military tribunal. Res Sub Radhika Prabhakar.

Mr. Lewis said that the 14^th amendment only applies within the borders of the U.S. He also said that the detainees do not fall under the Geneva convention.

Mr. Addison could have been executed, but since we’re such a swell country, we stuck them in Cuba.

Mr. Miler agreed with the resolution.

Mr. Moulds said that the people at camp X-Ray are civilians and that they are on U.S. soil if they are on a base

Mr. Cull said that we should give them a chance to prove whether they are innocent or guilty.

The resolution passed 16-5

Then, we had a resolution from Mr. Gallagher, purely for his enjoyment and the pleasure of Mr. Bogue. It dealt with President Bush adopting all the Iraqi children and failed 7-9

Mr. Addison presented his baseball resolution which call for MLB to institute a salary cap at 10% more than the payroll of the median market, which comes to about $80million/team.

Mr. Lewis spoke followed by Ms. Parker, who basically gave a communist view of baseball, which is ironic with the whole Cuba thing. I wonder how baseball would work in a communist country….

I, Amish Trivedi, presented a counter resolution which basically said that since ballplayers are close to worthless, each player should be paid $6/hr.

Mr. Gallagher spouted something about monopolies and what not and I just don’t get it, man.

Mr. Edgerton said that the salary cap has helped football, so why not baseball?

Mr. Moulds said that baseball is physically hard and that many ballplayers have degrees. You’re right, Steven. Baseball players make GREAT education majors!

Mr. Cull suggested letting the free market dictate the salaries of ballplayers. That’s just what you want, isn’t it Tom? We’re playing right into your greedy little hands, aren’t we?

Well, there were 9 votes for Mr. Addison’s stupid resolution, and 6 for my incredibly wise and proper resolution. But, 9 people abstained, so I guess we both lost, Matt.

Respectfully submitted, Amish Trivedi