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Minutes for 4/3/03 I just wanted to let you guys all know that you
can all come swimming at my place. Tonight’s fine by me, I just hope
you don’t mind the fact y’all will actually be in my living room! IN
MY LIVING ROOM! In my living room, where I sleep! Where I come and
play with my toys!
Yeah, it’s been a pleasant few weeks, but you’re not here to
listen to me rattle on about my personal problems.
So we had only one first time guest week whose last name sounded
like "Gettys", which reminded me of Jack Nicholson’s character in
"Chinatown".
After Ms. Findling was appointed critic, Ms. Webb gave an oration
on women having to be secret about their own problems, which of
course, I think is really really crappy!
Mr. Smith gave the resignation of some British guy who opposes
the action in Iraq.
Ms. Skrmetti gave a declamation about how archeology and history
are coming together. Does that mean that WE can get together,
Jennifer? I didn’t think so…
Ms. Hines read a sexually charged monologue, which my therapist
said I can erase from my memory by going to my "happy place"
Mary spoke again, which I suppose was to be expected because she
never seems to quiet down long enough, ya know? She gave the Elder
Bush’s speech from when we invade Iraq the first time. I’d like to
note use of LARGE, CORRECTLY PRONOUNCED words.
Mr. Lewis gave a speech on where the United States is going to be
in his lifetime. Todd, if you give any sort of Iraq resolution
tonight, that lifetime is going to be cut down. Way, way down.
Mr. Theiss gave a Christian aspect of the war while Mr. Gallagher
talked about his biggest love: Geology. I quietly hummed Rock of
Ages.
Mr. Grosse talked about censorship in the post-Columbine world. I
liked Bowling for Columbine. I’m working on being a fat, bearded
director that makes witty documentaries. Well, I might not do the
witty part of it. You know me.
In the declamations, Mr. Cull gave a speech opposing WWI which
was given by Robert LaFollette.
Mr. Gallagher read a lovely bit of sci-fi by….Er…Stanislauv
something or other
Ms. Lerner, who I would say was dressed quiet appropriately, gave
a monologue proclaiming himself the "Sex Goddess of the Western
World," which my therapist said I will never overcome and I’d
probably be better off just going crazy and forgetting the whole
thing that way. I think I’ll never be able to think of Matt in a
masculine way again. Which I suppose assumes I ever did….
Ms. Boggs did a bit from Rent with all sorts of movements around
the podium.
I gave President Nixon’s farewell. I know it was boring, but at
least Nixon was hung over when he gave the real thing. I wish I’d
thought of that.
Ms. Copley was apparently MIA, which meant we moved on to Ms.
Parker and her sexual response of women. I’m glad Sarah Winchell was
up here for most everything after this point because, well, she did
it last year too. Mwahahahaha
Mr. Grosse gave the To Be or Not To Be bit from Hamlet, which
Bobby called early on in the evening when he saw Stuart with the
hall’s copy of Hamlet. Oh, and does anyone remember which one Hamlet
actually decided on?
Ms. Aaron read Margret Atwood’s "Let Us Now Praise Stupid Women"
Ms. Bell read "the Seven-Lesson Schoolteacher"
Mr. Addison then read a poem spliced with a list of the soldiers
who had lost their lives in the current conflict.
Ms. Winchell then left my lovely seat and gave Maria Stewart’s
Religion and the Pure Principles of Morality, the Sure Foundation We
Must Build" speech.
All praise Mary Ellen for her wonderfully brief critics report.
Respectfully submitted,
Amish Trivedi |
University of Georgia 