Minutes of the DLS: February 21, 2004

We had 4 first time guests, 1 second or third time guest, and 17 alumni. We had, however, no Mikeys.

We started out with programs. Vince Dooley, after being king enough to sign footballs for the society to auction for Relay for Life, reminisced about his years here at the university.

Doug Haines then gave us a taste of his new $19.95 per person tax plan with a higher tax bracket for people he doesn’t like.

Dr. Halper, a philosophy professor, spoke of different cultural groups throughout history and specifically about why suicide bombers kill themselves.

After a 5 minutes recess, Mr. Williams, Mr. Misztal, Mr. Theiss, and Mr. Smith all turned down the role of critic, but finally Mr. Miller accepted the “honor.”

Ms. Dunham, an alumna, started the alumni debate with “BIR: We are not the global watchdog. The United States should not send troops to Haiti.”

Ms. Frawley, an alumna, opposed the resolution, saying that the United States will and should play a role in the situation and that someone must intervene for humanitarian reasons.

Mr. Bowman, an alum, pointed out that Haiti was in our own backyard and that we are morally implicated by history to help the Haitian government.

Mr. Johnson, an alum, rose to oppose the resolution but then realized he supported it. Not all elections are created equal, after all, even Hitler was elected democratically.

Mr. Lowe, an alum, supported the resolution and pointed to the US’s bad record of trying to decide what was good for other nations. He also told us of the fear that the supply of his favorite run would be cut off as the situation continued.

I then said that the age of imperialism was over, the rebellion had popular support and should continue, and “viva la revolution.”

Mr. Tesh, an alum, reminded the society of Lyndon Johnson’s first intervention abroad and said that history is against US action in Haiti.

Mr. Hanson told us of Haiti’s bloody past and then sang the original Haitian rebellion song.

Mr. Miller said that civil war is about to erupt in Haiti and while the US would not gain economically from the situation, we should accept Haitian refugees.

The question was called and passed 8 to 6 among members, 7 to 2 among alumni, and 2 to 1 among guests.

The alumni debate then continued with Mr. Bowman’s “BIR: Government, whether federal, state, or local, should get out of the business of defining and certifying marriages.”

Ms. Bryant, an alumna, told us that the purpose of marriage as sanctioned by the state is to ensure property rights and so the government needs to stay involved.

Mr. Lowe, an alum, said that marriage is a contract and as such the government has the right to legalize it. However, it should not be a special contract.

Ms. Medoza, an alumna, said that the government must be involved in marriage because the children that come from that union are paid for and cared for by the government.

Ms. Dunham, an alumna, shared with us the tale of two vols. Pair bonds will exist regardless of the government’s stances on marriage.

Mr. Blangeno, an alum, accused the resolution of being a watered-down attempt to consider gay marriage. The government should be made aware of gay marriages for financial reasons.

Ms. Boggs, an alumna, was once in a civil contract and was able to keep her property at its termination. There is no need for the government to be involved in making contracts.

At this point in the minutes, Mr. Misztal, the acting secretary, has drawn a stick person being run over by a car and labeled it a “resolution of legal issues.”

Mr. Frammel, an alum, let us know that divorce was more profitable than a business break up. Divorce is a game and courts – and thus the government – need to be involved.

Mr. Van Meter, an alum, told us that Sweden had gotten out of the business of marriage and the birth rate plummeted. The government should have no interest in perpetuating the species.

Ms. Bell, an alumna, claimed that the government could not understand love or marriage. Marriage should be a private matter.

Ms. Winchell, who Mr. Misztal has noted as not being an alumni yet, said that marriage is dangerous because it is difficult to get out of. The dissolution of marriage is needed for true equality.

Ms. Bowman, an alumna, said that the government benefits by defining marriage and that homosexual marriage is an issue of access to rights as defined by the government.

Mr. Misztal then stated that marriage cannot be separated from the state because marriage is the basis of family which is the basis of society which is the basis of government.

The acting secretary has then scrawled, “I’ll get you Skrmetti” in the minutes. Whoever it was though, did a really damn Yankee good job of being secretary.

Mr. Ballard claimed that he will assist in the liberation of the no sex list and asserted that the government plays a crucial role in society and thus should have power over the institution of marriage.

At this point the acting secretary is very, very happy about Gummy Bears.

Ms. Winchell then motioned that the alumni should call the question since it was an alumni debate. They refused to call it and the debate continued.

Mr. Theiss told us that people who don’t perpetuate the species will die off and that this will create a greater society as the gene pool is thinned out. Marriage, he claimed, encourages idiots to breed.

The question was called and failed 1 to 7 among alumni, passed after tying 8 to 8 among members, and fails 1 to 2 among guests.

Mr. Derbes, an alum, then presented “BIR: College football should institute a bowl system similar to contract bridge.”

Mr. Trammel, an alum, noted the sexual puns in the debate and upheld the Demosthenian tradition of not discussing the resolution.

Mr. Addison gave the president the finger and took his fine like Janet Jackson before the FCC. He then spoke of college football’s obsession with being a business and the detrimental effect this had on many people, especially women, involved in it.

Mr. Theiss asserted that contract bridge was A-W-E-S-O-M-E and that letting teams choose their battles would reward the wise teams.

Mr. Moulds claimed that the BCS was the best system ever and that LSU was a better team because of its schedule.

Ms. Downtown Sara Brown, as she is noted in the minutes, said that a bid system would decrease morale and thus attendance.

Mr. Addison was expelled and reinstated and then spoke of his feelings for the UGA football program. BCS makes great football.

Mr. Elliott said THIS IS HERESEY!!! FOOTBALL CANNOT BE COMPARED WITH A LOWLY CARDGAME.

Mr. Owens then read the Elements of Style and discovered how to call the house in active voice.

The question was called and failed 1 to 3 among alumni, 4 to 9 among members, and 0 to 2 among guests.

It is then noted that bridge is awesome and Mr. Vick says college football sucks. Also, “This is what happens when you leave a such of alcoholics to their own devices.”

Ms. Duncan than gave her Historian’s report and explained to us the difference between “beauty” and “booty.”

Mr. Theiss rose with “BIR: Despite the despicable beliefs of the members of Landser, the German governments’ trampling of free speech is even more despicable. Therefore, the Demosthenian Literary Society shall compose a letter expressing the above sentiment and send it to the German Consulate General in Atlanta and to the German Government in Berlin.”

Ms. Prabhakar opposed the resolution because Germany has a unique history with several far-right and fascist parties. The German government should suppress dangerous speech.

Ms. D’Andrea said that when ideas are stigmatized or hidden they become more appealing. If people are allowed to see hateful ideas for what they were, they could be debated in the open.

Ms. Duncan told us that Mein Kampf is banned in Germany, but that it shouldn’t be. Only direct threats to other people’s lives should be banned.

Mr. Owens brought up the journalistic concept of a “marketplace of ideas” saying that the truth will always win out over falsehood in fair debate. Society can act as its own censor.

Mr. Elliot claimed that the ideal of the marketplace of ideas comes from a blind idealist . Europeans cannot handle free speech.

Mr. Bowman, an alum, said that it is the wrong to say that there is something inherently wrong with all Europeans. People very much like ourselves can become deluded and indifferent if we don’t ask questions.

Mr. Vick said that censorship of a work only increases its popularity as every government has found to be true. Not letting people speak about something is dumb, because people want what they can’t have.

Mr. Lerner told us that free speech is a misnomer because it is only free until it impedes upon someone else’s rights. The market place of ideas is an ideal that cannot stand up to reality.

Mr. Miller argued that if we ignore ideas like “gangster rap” only being a reflection of the real world, we become less prepared to counter them. Banning political dissent is only ignoring hateful ideas rather than dealing with them.

Mr. Martinson demanded that we let the idiots speak. Any type of media makes people think and that is important.

The resolution was called and failed after the president decided against it after a 9 to 9 tie. It passed 1 to 0 among alumni and tied 0 to 0 among guests.

Napoleon was then overthrown, as was the bag of “cocaine,” and it was discovered that Mr. Vick can authenticate oregano. Alas, the tiny leader then retook power in what I am sure was a weak and bloodless coup.

Mr. Wesley then staggered up with “BIR: The Big Chick in Washington, GA is superior to Weaver D’s ‘Authentic for the People’ fine foods.” It should be noted, I think, that he was drunk when he presented this. Maybe that’s the only explanation.

The minutes then say, “Frawley, Lerner, Bobby is too hot, Mr. Owens is a fat, lazy American, and Mr. Addison means nothing.” The resolution passed 6 to 5. I can’t believe you people.

Mr. Wesley then rose again to present “BIR: Men are the most considerate beings on the planet.”

Mr. Addison admitted to using his guilt trick (I think, it’s pretty illegible) for sex.

Mr. Elliott was then bitter and sad.

The resolution passed 7 to 4 and it is noted that Mr. Trivedi abstained because he too is bitter and sad.

Ms. Crawford presented “BIR: It is ethical to have unethical fantasies.”

Mr. Wesley spoke of fantasies and anal sex.

Mr. Miller rose to speak, but was ejected after describing his wet dreams about hermaphrodites.

Mr. Misztal was unable to respond to the question “where are you?”

Mr. Miller was reinstated after promising never to discuss his wet dreams again and the question was called, passing 11-0.

Ms. Winchell, who had been reading out of Playboy, presented “BIR: Robert Downey Jr. should be the mascot for all Demosthenian women.”

Mr. Wesley opposed the resolution but wasn’t sure why.

Mr. Miller was against the resolution because Robert Downey Jr. is too old for Demosthenian women.

The question was called and failed 2 to 6.

It is noted that we love John Henry in a non-sexual way.

Mr. Miller rose to present “BIR: Knee-jerk bad.”

The question was called and failed 8 to 9 with Mr. Owens abstaining because “What the fuck?”

We then watched the sun rise and adjourned after Mr. Miller’s mercifully brief critic’s report.

RS, Jennifer Skrmetti