It is high time we do battle with the heap. In such a spirit a pair of them walked across the lawn to suggest that I gamble monies with them. Little did they know that I am horribly broke. I bet my car against Raymond Ivory's car. Little does he know that my car is a beaten up piece of junk that hasn't run since 1987.
Ah, I have such fond memories of the ISD. Let me tell you from personal experience: It is like a long plastic hallway where thieves run wild and good men die like dogs. Also, it has its downsides.
Speaking of downsides, I would like to inform you all of the greatest movie event of your college careers. Samuel L. Jackson stars in the obvious blockbuster hit, “Snakes on a Plane.” For those of you who didn't hear me correctly, I said that Samuel L. Jackson is starring in a movie where he says, “I'M SICK O' THESE DAMMMMN SNAKES” and proceeds to tazer them. This is more or less the whole movie. He agreed to do the movie only because the title was “Snakes on a Plane” which is, admittedly, pretty freaking awesome. When they attempted to change the title to flight 121 he threatened to pull out of the project, thus forcing the name to remain, “Snakes on a Plane.”
That said, before spring break we had two first time guests, which was pretty neat.
In committee reports Mr. Richards rose to thank everyone who showed up for Chalk Drawing and Ms. Bernhard rose for Hall preservation to announce that Mr. Saye was reframed with real glass, and that fixing the doors is progressing. Ms. Smith rose to give us some news about relay for life and announced a bake sale on the 24th, which by the way is tomorrow, I believe. She also pointed out that the Hillel debate would work in such a way that we'd get control over the debate format, plus we'd be involving the Palestinian student organization.
In new business Mr. Williamson started us off by telling his he's recently been laid off from Snelling and had to go to the unemployment office. We should be thankful that we have unemployment insurance in the US, but sadly Labor is the most taxed thing in the US. Enter child labor. By not traiding with countries that use child labor we make the situation of those children even worse. We lack a moral ground to criticize them because we don't trade with them. What ended up being:
BIR, The U.S. Should support child labor in other countries, respectfully submitted Williamson.
Mr. Misztal rose to point out that we already trade with all those countries, and that children have rights by a UN convention that oddly enough, we haven't signed. The last thing we want to do is encourage people to exploit children abroad, though. The only way we can stop it is by making child labor unprofitable in the USA.
Mr. Ballard suggested that the best way to stop child labor is to increase free trade. By increasing economic opportunities countries would make sure their children get educated and thereby get better jobs.
At this point the resolution was amended in a mysterious fashion.
Mr. Hansen went over an analogy with Rwandan genocide. People who committed the genocide cited massive overpopulation as their central reason for committing it, which is why they mostly killed the richest and poorest people.
Mr. Moulds said the US once had a similar problem, and that we were doing stuff that is happening now in third world countries because that's what we had to do. Slavery, oppression of women, sweatshops in the 1800's, if these countries are going to advance, that's that they have to do. We shouldn't intervene unless it becomes our problem.
Ms. Wilkinson disagreed. Kids essentially have a choice between child prostitution and working in factories at $2 an hour or less. Child labor is beneficial for the world and should be allowed to continue, but that doesn't mean the US has to be directly involved.
Mr. Pearl pointed out that our parents tell us not to do things they did because they want us to have it better. Child labor and other social problems were solved by a progressive movement, not the economy. The slaves didn't free themselves, a civil war did.
Mr. D. Weiss argued that children are working in sweatshops where they end up exploited and sick and dying, which is hardly an acceptable alternative to being unexploited, sick, and dying.
Ms. Natrajain cited a factory where people would literally buy children in India. Child labor expands the gap between the haves and the have nots. We shouldn't be supporting countries that make wage slaves.
A guest pointed out that this was a native externality of our new world market, and the answer is to internalize the externality by hitting those nations in the wallet. Don't trade, tax the goods, etc. We might cut off their current means of survival but they'll find others.
Another guest argued that the US is the most prosperous advanced nation in the world, and people are going to die in a world this big. People are dying because the west subsidizes people to not grow things, from tarrifs, etc. We have a responsibility because we've advanced as far as we have as a nation.
The question was called and failed three to sixteen among members and zero to seven among guests, which leads me to believe I might just not know how to write ones.
It was noted that Mr. Williamson forced a little kid on the street to write the resolution.
Ms. Barnett then told us the story of a little girl poking sharp things, but thought, surely that can't happen in real life. Thus, BIR, Traditional fairy tails are harmful to children, RS Connie Gail Barnett
Take cindrella for example, she meets the worst guy in the world who she'll take just to get out of her house. Despite the literary context, most kids wont get it. Heck, she's an English major and she barely gets it.
Mr. Moulds opposed the resolution saying that the lesson is the act itself, not the hidden context behind it. The reason a knight fights the dragon is irrelevant.
Ms. Herschman grew up on fairy tails and she doesn't feel particularly damaged. They have great lessons, like “Don't take things from strangers.” Cindarella was a good person so she got to marry the prince. Good people get the happy ending. And they teach little girls to be strong, independent women and to take care of themselves no matter what.
Ms. Davis opposed, saying that most fairy tales don't end happily but teach lessons. She then spoiled the little mermaid for me and I cried a little.
Ms. Pearl then rose to point out that rational decisions made do not mislead children. When she was young people took advantage of her because she was incredibly gullible. She did in fact, attempt unassisted human flight. Kids can in fact figure out what works and what doesn't, the real point is to instill creativity, or to add a sense of wonder to the world, although they have a potential to be harmful.
Mr. Ballard opposed. His fairy tale as a child was fighting the second civil war for playtime. However, these fairy tales do help children develop empathy and understanding. The theory of cognitive development says that by exposing people to fairy tales it helps their understanding of the world in general.
Mr. McGuire supported the resolution based on the negatives assumption that all cultures are the same and that all values are benign. In Iran, HAMAS introduced cartoons about martyrdom and Jihad, leading him to believe that there is no real difference between religions and fairy tails. He cited the fairy tale that contraception is unethical.
Mr. Dowell cited four types of stories of which one was a fairy tale, where the point tends to be lost in the telling of the story. We have a greater tie to George Washington fairy tales than say, medieval folk tales. It's time to create a new set of fairy tales that, for starters, aren't so down on women.
Mr. Hansen supported fairy tales saying they teach no lesson. Fairy tales take agency away from men too which is good. It teaches that you cannot control or know some things, i..e Magic. Harry Potter controls magic, so he's really doing science.
Mr. Patrick Williams supported the resolution because fairytales are harmful to children, what does cindarella do? What she's told. She's taking abuse thus making her the perfect wife.
The question was called and failed five to thirteen among members and zero to two among guests.
It was noted that children in factories are easily distracted by fairy tales.
Mr. Hanson rose and pointed out that Cambodia recently launched a massive media campaign teaching people to not smoke, to not swim in dangerous water, and for gods sake, eat the stray cats and dogs. Although he loves puppies and kittens, they are also the largest problem for the fauna of any given region, and the direct cause for extinction for many species. Eat meat for a good cause.
BIR, The United States government should encourage its citizens to eat strays, -Chris Hansen
Mr. Williamson advised us to not eat it because the children will be crushed in the heart, but we should eat stray goldfish, I mean you can't keep them alive anyway. Why waste an Hours'dourve? Mr. Chiego said that we're all hungry, but we must start importing and exporting strays. Too many strays are spayed and neutered, so we must eat Bob Barker. Mr. Dowell pointed out that rabbits are the numnums, and that he wants to eat guinea pig. Also he may have eaten cat once, and it wasn't so bad. Then I gave a horrible speech imploring people to not eat the cat over the chicken based on a vast, feminist conspiracy. Mr. Misztal said that our taste for cat would drive us into stray meat crazy. Mr. Miller said that we should eat the animals we currently eat and that it's a slippery slop to cannibalism. Mr. Earl then talked about scary anacondas, and yes, that is what he was talking about. Mr. Williams said the strays will be ground into mince meat and put into burger. The question was called and passed 8 to 6 among members and 1 to 0 among guests.
The big about the cats and dogs was encouraged by Mr. Misztal. It was also noted that Mr. Weiss is just as bad as Ms. Pearl, which I think means he loved Brokeback mountain.
Mr. Pearl announced that it's a travesty that some people don't know what to expect from college because they don't watch animal farm. As soon as he presented, “BIR, Animal House should be required viewing for all freshman” someone motioned to eject him and he just sauntered out, dejected and defeated. The question was called and failed 7 to 8 among members but passed one to zero among our guest, Will. We then adjourned subject to Mr. Misztal's Critic's report.
Tastelessly submitted,
Jacob R. Martinson |
University of Georgia 