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In the wake of all this discussion on world religion and its evils, especially with the conflict between Israelis and Muslims, I myself question the validity of religion in general. There is so much evil associated with the common concept of an angry God that I’ve sought out a religion that is both comprehensive and revolutionary. Here’s what I found:
There is a curious little Egyptian themed building on Broad Street next to Vision Video that I thought was an unsuccessful bar up until late in my sophomore year. With further research, I discovered that this was actually a building that was affiliated with the Nuwabians, a religious group that believes in the concept of an ‘Egypt of the West’ that is based out of Putnam County, GA. Their leader, Dr. Malachi Z. York, developed a philosophy on life that included everything from childbirth to education methods. He is regarded as a God among his followers.
So, Dr. York and some inspired followers built some pyramids out of styrofoam in Putnam County and he instructed them that Caucasians were meant to cause violence and oppress others and that obese people are the decendants from the elephant nosed god Deros. He also has devised other theories, such as how Yoda is merely Sasquatch by another name. He views history as very skewed, as he believes that Thomas Paine stole the Constitution from unwritten Iroquois policy. And his story on human origin? It goes a little like this: you see, we are all conceived with a twin, just most of the time the twin does not survive. This is why we must bury afterbirth to prevent Satan from creating a demon out of the unused soul. And at one time, all humans were completely symmetrical, with their heart in the exact center of their chest and universal ambidexterity, until a meteor hit the earth, tilted its axis, and set everyone’s heart off center in their chests. And these unbalanced people, the Homo Sapiens, are merely failed Martian cloning experiments with the homo erectus.
Apparently, Dr. York also discovered that pigs are just mixtures of dog, cat, and rat cells that were made solely to dispose of leprous corpses. Oh yeah, and disco? Definitely the product of the devil to seduce the souls of the Nuwabians, meant specifically to destroy the face of black musicians. Coincidentally, Dr. York was himself a failed disco musician.
By the way, during my research I read that we should be well aware of the evacuation of the Earth’s elite political and academic citizens. I suppose we should keep tabs on the site for next year’s G8 summit.
Unfortunately, the Nuwabian faith has taken a hard hit with Dr. York being arrested for alleged child molestation. It apparently is also a Nuwabian belief that his followers provide him with their daughters upon their early maturation. So the building on Broad was shut down and the Putnam complex was raided during a convenient IRS audit. But hey guys, ‘he’s innocent’.
The meeting was called to order, probably after 7, and Mr. Dowell was appointed critic. There were 13 newcomers, 2 returning guests, and 1 quasi-alumna. In programs, President Weiss gave his inaugural address, reminding us to get pumped and to not be socially awkward. In committee reports, Mr. Dowell announced a completely unaffiliated party at an undisclosed location at a completely unaffiliated time. I really don't even know why I'm talking about it, but I'm very in favor of it, in an unaffiliated way.
In new business, Mr. Ballard hopped up and gave us his reasoning for thinking Islam is a disease with
BIR: The world would be better off if Islam ceased to exist.
Mr. Ballard indicated that he thinks that Islam should ‘go like the Branch Davidians,’ because it promotes anti-Semitism.
Mr. Chiego brought up the Reconquista and the Catholic burnings of heretics. He believes that Islam is having growing pains and that terrorism is not the greatest threat that currently exists in the world. He noted that Islam does do some philanthropic things, like helping Pakistan earthquake victims. Besides, we wouldn’t have algebra without Islamic influence. He then encouraged the solution of a dialogue much like the dialogues that Christians had around the Reformation, which also included its share of violence.
Miss Koval was appalled at the resolution, stating that we must separate religion from the actions that extremists take. In the south, many get made fun of for simply being Catholic. She noted that there are different sects of Islam, but we seem to have a prejudice against the entire culture, and not just the extremists.
Miss Meek pointed out that terrorism is a fairly rare event. Actually, Arab countries were some of the first to have women in power. Also, she noted that Jesus does appear in the Koran, and he is a universally peaceful figure. Every religion has its extremists, and Hamas does provide many services to their community. They are able to recruit because they provide security for those who are impoverished.
Mr. Darsie complained about listening to Neil Boortz while in the car with his mother. He then said that we need to stop letting the violence go too far. He believes that Islam has little hope and challenged us to name a good Muslim pacifist leader.
Miss Servidio was disgusted by the rash and wild claims about Islam, which she believes is a largely peaceful religion. There are different forms of jihad: the struggle with oneself and the struggle against others. Only rogue nations become terrorists, and so we should give them equality in the international community just as we are given.
Mr. Williamson questioned if Christianity should be persecuted when it has a sordid history of atrocity. He explained that a great deal of violence could be stopped by getting rid of entire religions, but that doesn’t make it the right thing to do.
Mr. Webber proposed a conference for leaders of Islam to try to work out their differences. He then expressed his views on how women should be killed because they, like Islam, are problematic.
Mr. Morgan agrees that we can not make everyone happy. If Muslims had not created algebra, someone would have.
Mr. Hansen explained that that most of the world follows some form of the God of Abraham. If we did away with the religions who believed in that God, which would be the only fair thing to do, we’d be left with only 1/5 of the current population. A small majority have even marginal logic. Atheists are richer and more educated, and because they don’t start religiously affiliated violence, they are more moral. Abraham has corrupted all of us and now morality has become a relation between ourselves and an angry God.
Mr Pearl said that the Bible promotes some bad things. The Koran does as well, in fact, it instructs not to keep Christians and Jews as friends. Literal readings of religious texts can be interpreted in a variety of ways, and any group that supports stoning of other people is bad.
Mr. McGuire explained that Arab nations with female leaders do not use the Koran as their basis for government. Some Bible passages are very moral. In his opinion, the Koran is disgusting because it has few moral stories. Most moderate Muslims do not follow the scripture verbatim.
Miss Brown encouraged us to discuss and examine religion on several levels. Individually, it provides inspiration. Culturally, it provides a framework. Evangelism should not be enforced on a social level.
Mr. Richards believes that Muslims as a group should not be held accountable for terrorist behavior, but he knows that this is a fuzzy liberal dream. The resolution makes it sound like terrorism is a Muslim. He asked, wouldn’t it be better if we just got rid of humans?
A guest rose and pointed out that war is good for business and it makes economic growth easier.
Mr. P. Weiss said that without Islam, the world would be different, not better. There are lots of other things going on. We protected ourselves from West Nile Virus, and the world is not better off. If we remove a whole religion, terrorism would become geopolitical.
Another guest rose and indicated that economics are the cause of terrorist crusades. Economics inspires fanatics. People may have no choice but to go to God.
The resolution was called to question, and failed among members 9-17, and guests 3-6.
Mr. Steinberg rose and spoke about China and North Korea. He presented,
Be It Resolved, President Bush and the Harlem Globetrotters should visit North Korea before the end of 2007.
He described ping pong diplomacy and thinks that this would sate Kim Jong Il’s need for attention.
Mr. Hansen did not think it was a good idea to bring North Korea into things. The Globetrotters are a symbol of coming together.
Mr. Chiego felt that Kim Jong Il wants Bush to visit. He likes to feel important. If we show him respect, he may respond. He loves pageantry. The Globetrotters are the best representatives that we can send to facilitate that.
Miss Barnett is OK with sending Bush to North Korea, as long as we also send a translator that will make him not sound like an idiot.
Mr. Darsie thinks that we should shower Kim Jong Il with tons of attention. People in North Korea don’t want basketball because you can’t eat it. He thinks that Kim Jong Il needs a new hairdresser, perhaps a weave, some well designed platform shoes, a personal film by Jerry Bruckheimer, and xhibit to pimp his ride. We should not, however, send Monica Lewinsky.
Mr. Richards pointed out that while the Globetrotters are good at basketball, he fails to see how athletic suits and leotards would make North Korea better.
Miss Smith rose and said that instead of lavishing Kim Jong Il with attention and gifts, we should instead humiliate him by forcing him to watch Team America. His ego is already too inflated as is.
Mr. Ballard indicated that something needs to be done, but not by rewarding bad behavior. We should not use a cold war strategy, but rather one for emerging nuclear powers. He proposes to split the resolution to send either Bush or the Globetrotters. This split was not in order and therefore not approved.
Miss Meek spoke on how the Globetrotters and other athletic groups could be political ambassadors, as seen with the popularity of the World Cup and the Olympics. She cited her babysitting experience and said that sometimes you have to reward a misbehaving child. She suggested Dick Cheney as a better representative to visit.
The debate was called to question and failed among members 4-9, and also failed among guests 0-3. Mr. Ballard wanted to note that he would like the Globetrotters to go.
Mr. Williamson rose to suggest that we all take part in the cultural phenomenon of Snakes on a Plane. He presented:
Be it Resolved, The Demosthenian Literary Society shall depart at ______ PM from ______ location to go to _______ theater to see Snakes on a Plane.
Mr. Miller said that we should not go on opening night because typical theater rules would not have applied. He expressed that he never goes out and one time had a bad experience with an older woman. We should heed his warning.
The debate was called to question and passed 12-0 among members, and 3-0 among guests. It was noted that this was Mr. Williamson’s best resolution yet. Mr. Chiego abstained, and Miss Herschman suggested that we discuss the important topic on the listserv. Mr. Miller was tired of mother effing snakes on the mother effing plane. The meeting was adjourned subject to Mr. Dowell’s critic’s report.
Respectfully Submitted,
Kathryn E. Smit
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University of Georgia 