| For some reason, I think that the Society across the way
infected me with their awkwardness at the Intersociety Meeting
last week.
As some of you well know, I work at Dial America. I have had
no soul since I started there in January of this year. On a
recent call, I gave my usual greeting. The person on the other
end replied excitedly, “Oh, your last name is Smith? So is mine!
Where are you from?” Making my typical pleasantry, I responded,
“Charlottesville, Virginia,” with a light chuckle. The caller
then said “Really? I live in Utah, but my family once lived
in Virginia. Actually, they were slaves there.”
This comment led to a healthy 10 seconds of awkward silence.
Devoid of any further small talk I could make, I quipped, “So,
how may I help you?”
The meeting was called to order around 7. We had 2 alumni and
many guests present. Mr. Dowell was appointed critic
In committee reports, President Weiss addressed the Society
about some pressing issues.
We had one petitioner, Miss Waltz who spoke on Facebook and
its huge impact on our culture. She was happily welcomed to
the Society.
The band of freaks arrived from across the quad.
In new Business, Mr Sharp presented:
BIR: The State of Georgia should abolish
the HOPE Scholarship program.
RS, Casey Sharp
Mr. Addison pointed out that the lottery is voluntary. To suggest
people take out loans is unfair. Because the HOPE keeps good
students in Georgia, it also promotes more sound business development,
and thus improves the economy.
Mr. Chiego urged us to look at the parking lots on campus.
Parents spend more money on things like cars for their kids
when their tuition is paid by HOPE. Other colleges have more
out of state students who bring perspectives, and they also
have larger endowments. He suggested a sliding scale of merit
based scholarship.
A guest rose and said that the lower class citizens are the
only people who need money for college.
Mr. Theiss supports HOPE because it is a tax on the stupid.
He said, if we kill the poor, we can’t take their money.
Miss Meek said that HOPE allows UGA to use more money to attract
good out of state students, and it helps out where FAFSA does
not. She thinks that money from athletics needs to be channeled
into school funds.
A guest rose and let us know that HOPE does not hurt the poor,
the state lottery does. Following that logic, we should abolish
the lottery.
Mr. Brettschneider said that degrees are not as meaningful
because such a large percentage of people have them. We should
cloister our intellectuals, like they did in the Renaissance,
and allow them to meddle.
A guest said that it is the poor’s place to suffer the consequences
of poor actions. We are a nation of capitalists. He claimed
that we should raise tuition and put those in Pre-K in industry,
where they belong.
Miss Malik expressed that HOPE allows her to go to college.
She also expressed that she would kill all of us for a Pell
grant.
A guest rose and said that HOPE gives the middle class opportunities
that they may not otherwise have.
Another guest said that it is wrong for the middle class exploits
the poor. We should abolish HOPE because it would get rid of
the lottery.
Mr. Ballard pointed out that we have seen the poor suffer because
of HOPE. We should fix our education system through working
with families and developing a stronger value system in our
culture as a whole instead of exploiting people’s gambling addictions.
A guest said that stupid rich kids will always flourish because
their rich parents will find ways to give them a top notch education
and a nice car no matter what.
The debate was called to question and the resolution failed
13-35 among members, 0-9 among guests, and 0-1 among alumni.
A guest rose and presented:
BIR Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan was
the Devil, and the Government lies to you about 9/11.
RS, The beastly, bulging president of the illiterate society.
I just want to let you guys know that I did not take comprehensive
notes on this one. I did, however, draw diagrams of ‘their’
courses of pacing around the lectern.
Mr. Theiss spoke on how this was the dumbest resolution he
has ever heard.
A very obnoxious guest with a terrible jacket rose and personally
attacked Mr. Theiss for personally attacking the presenter,
who resembles an ogre.
Miss Malik attempted to argue this resolution from a historically
valid viewpoint.
Mr. Broach said that Jesus is black because Samuel L. Jackson
is Jesus. Samuel L. Jesus had a whip made out of a snake.
Mr. P. Weiss pointed out that Jesus is not necessarily white
because he is from the Middle East.
A guest from the other society rose, and I’m sure they said
something really profound. I did not write it down because I
was too busy being freaked out by how they had managed to all
sit together. Also, this strange burlesque woman came to sit
with them. Her red lipstick and vampire haircut gave me a migraine.
This one kid started laughing haughtily, but just ended up making
himself look like a complete idiot. And, there was way too much
PDA from dumpy brickheap couples.
The debate was called to question, thank goodness, and the
resolution failed 15-17 among members, 0-5 among guests, and
0-1 among alumni.
The weirdos left in two lines, and we collected ourselves to
cleanse our beautiful hall.
Miss Smith let the boys of Demosthenian know that they should
appreciate the wonderful company of the beautiful women of our
Society, because those across the way look like goblins.
Mr. Darsie said that they were an association of bizarrely
creepy individuals.
Mr Vaudo found their podium conduct highly disconcerting.
Mr. Theiss wanted to take his pants off to remind the ladies
how good Demosthenian men are. We really should have let him.
The meeting was adjourned, subject to Mr. Dowell’s critic’s
report.
Respectfully Submitted,
Kathryn E. Smith
|
University of Georgia 