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Minutes of the Demosthenian Literary Society
June 5th, 1997
It was a scene so horrible that the
crowd could barely even look. From up on the resplendent gables of
the Hall, sat the Chief, clad only in his Spiderman Underoos,
chained to one of the chimneys, wailing, "NOOOOOO!!!! I WON'T EVER
LEAVE!!! THIS IS MY HOUSE!!!!" The huddled young Demosthenians
below seemed to be strangely amused by the whole scene; some, like
Ms. Mingledorff seemed interested only in the chains that held the
formerly great Mr. Van Meter, while Ms. Shillington openly marveled
at the myriad Spidermen, stating, "I know that you can escape these
feelings...but if you can't, just bend over a little for me...Cute
butts must be acquired just by hangin' around that one fella..."
Mr. Norman, head of the Demosthenian Police Force, yelled up to Mr.
Van Meter through his bullhorn, that if the Chief were indeed to
jump, he would have no choice but to order his sniper, Mr.
Bloomfield, to shoot... a lot.
Following these comments, the Chief
emitted a foul groan, quickly unchained himself, and scampered over
to the edge of the roof, where he yelled, "IF YOU DON'T LET ME STAY,
THEN I'LL JUST LEAVE...PERMANENTLY!!!"
With this barely out of his mouth, Mr.
Van Meter took a flying leap off the top of the Hall, and a dark
shadow passed over the crowd. They realized that this historically
silly act was what was in store for them after four years of
Demosthenian.
However, just when all hope was lost,
and the cannonball that was Chief reached its terminal velocity, a
loud voice came out of nowhere, saying, "DUUUUDE!!! NEVER FEAR FOR
THE HORTMAN IS HERE!"
The meeting was called to order at
around 7:30. There were a few guests present, and Ms. Mingledorff
was appointed critic. Lots of alumni were present, including former
Presidents Polentz and Merritt.
Following the usual opening of the
meeting, the Society moved into its Program for the evening, the
Farewell Addresses.
Mr. Stapp rose first and stated that
he missed the times that he wasn't in the Hall, but he still
received great rewards from the Society, for the Society has a great
deal to give. The speaker continued by telling the Society that he
learned two important things from his time in the Hall: 1) If you
put a lot of fire behind what you say, the substance means little,
and 2) Offending and testing people is good, for it leads to new
thought. Through this intense creative process, "Someday, somebody
will say something that no one else has ever said before." With
that, Mr. Stapp told the Society of his plans to travel to New York
in the fall, and thanked the Society again because he "...learned
more here than anywhere else."
Following Mr. Stapp was Mr. Gable,
who, in his usual way, stated that he had had a productive eight
months. He qualified this statement by adding that talking about
dildoes, fish-net stockings, and chickens always makes for a great
year. After revealing much more than this here Secretary would have
liked about the nature of our relationship, the rugged hunk o' man
that is Mr. Gable bestowed upon me the infamous "Hot Lips Key"...I
almost fainted...
Next was Mr. Weir, who thanked the
Society for nine great months, and then began to reminisce about his
time in the Society. He like many before, fell prey to the deadly
"Stuart beer," and gave an emotional thank-you to Ms. Ramirez for
their time together. After this, Mr. Weir presented a key to his
house to Ms. Brignac, and bestowed his key to the Hall to a man that
"always quick with a smile and a handshake," Mr. Magda.
Mr. Weir completed his farewell by donating
to the Society a book by Patty Duke, detailing her bouts with mental
illness, and the memoirs of Margaret Thatcher, The Downing St.
Years.
Mr. Smith rose next, and began his
speech by giving the Society the mental image of Ms. K. Polentz
delivering her farewell address in a toga. It was this display of
"Demosthenian-ness" that Mr. Smith felt welcomed in the Society
after two years of being a guest. He found it hard to express the
essence of the Society in words, but he stated that a microcosm of
his Demosthenian experience was his freshman English class, where he
was joined by Mr. Hudson, Mr. Kaiser, and Mr. Stapp. It was this
type of interaction that made Demosthenian "the best thing he has
done in college." Mr. Smith then gave a Star Wars key ring to Mr.
Hudson, and gave his key to the Hall to Ms. Mingledorff. In this
presentation Mr. Smith stated that Ms. Mingledorff reminded him of
himself, and as a consequence of this apparent kinship, we all need
to watch out for her in the future.
Mr. Brantley rose next, and made all
of us feel young and unwise in the world by telling the Society of
his 27 moves in 28 years of life. Though he has moved around much
in his life, the lectern has and always will be a place that can be
called home. It is this feeling of intense welcome that struck him
the most, for he felt that he "was accepted by the most intelligent
people he has ever met." For him, his pending graduation was "the
redeeming act for his whole life," and Demosthenian was the reason
he stuck it out until the end. Mr. Brantley donated two books, The
Catcher in the Rye and Sexus, for both really made him open his eyes
to the world, and forced him to look back at the world that he once
lived in. He gave his key to Mr. Stuart, his first friend in the
Society. He left the floor with his advice to all of us to treat
the Society with respect for the "Hall is holy ground."
Mr. Choi rose, and told about his
initial encounter with the Society in the Tate Plaza. He found that
he made the right choice in staying with the Society, for he learned
to make people listen. Mysterious to the end, Mr. Choi then
announced that he will "disappear for a long time" following
graduation. Following this decree from our formerly fearless
leader, our lovable pariah donated to the Society many books,
including M. Butterfly and Native Speaker. He also donated to the
Society a watch, for he wanted to give the Society time. Next, Mr.
Choi gave his keys to Mr. Dallas and Ms. Moultrie because they are
two young members that represent the truth that "Demosthenian is the
place to be." He closed his speech by reading a poem that he
composed just before his speech, but he said that the whole
"Farewell Address Thing" was "weird," and he felt that Demosthenian
was a place where "one can find so many to disagree," and that "his
five minutes were almost up." With this statement, he bid us all
adieu, and stepped down.
Mr. Hudson leaped to the floor, and
began, in usual Leo form, by fishing the audience for names of those
people that he thought "were like WOW!! Cool!!!" He gave a key and
rug to Mr. Stuart, a good friend and drinking buddy of his while in
the Society. He then gave a key to Mr. Bloomfield because he wanted
to keep the Society diverse. To Mr. Bowman he gave the "Pain Key,"
the key and wind-up kangaroo that goes to all loyal employees of the
'Roo. He finished his key extravaganza by giving keys to two
younger members, Ms. Moultrie and Mr. Miller. Mr. Hudson then gave
two books to the Society, Dubliners, by James Joyce, "a book that
has the best short stories from anywhere," and, in light of his
current career plans, Jobs for English Majors. Following his
donations to the Society, Mr. Hudson detailed how he first came to
the Society: he saw our bus card, and thought "Demosthenian...what
a cool word." From this cool word, he stated that he has learned to
relate with people better, and that he has much more respect for
history and talent; in short, Mr. Hudson said that he was much more
aware of others than he used to be. He left the Society with his
thought that we must all respect something so big that it all
brought us together, and that "right here we are doing something
good."
Mr. Van Meter gained the floor, and
said that farewell addresses are his favorite Demosthenian tradition
because of the surprises that they always bring. He stated that he
felt extremely blessed by his four years in Demosthenian for it was
the 4 best years he has had, and that he was lucky for having the
opportunity to give back. Farewell addresses give this opportunity
to graduates for it is one speech in which the speaker tries to give
back the strength that everyone has given him over the last years.
It is, simply, "a way to tap into why we all are here." Mr. Van
Meter then detailed how this type of exchange has gone on for 190
years, not because of what we say, but by saying that it is
important. In a sense, "what we do is more important than what we
do." Mr. Van Meter then presented the Society with numerous books,
including The Collected Stories of Peter Taylor, Catch-22, and a
wide selection of Faulkner's work. For Mr. Van Meter, the library
has always been a great love, and he hoped to make it better [Insert
Chief smug Librarian grin here]. He then gave his keys for the
different traits the keys represent that are embodied in each
person. He gave the CR Lockbox key to Ms. Mingledorff, and the fuel
key to his first car to Ms. Ramirez. He continued by giving a key
to Ms. Brignac for her open mind and good heart, and gave a key from
an old friend, with the statement "friendship without growth is
bad," to Ms. McKinney. In light of the promised surprises he
detailed earlier, he gave his story about how he received a key
completely out of the blue, and how it was a great honor to receive
that. The same key was passed on to the usually unsuspecting Mr.
Stevenson with the desired surprise written across the face of the
recipient. Next came the #74 keys, given in honor of his former
roommates/Demosthenians. He gave Mr. Merritt's old key to someone
who was often bewildered by the Society; someone who only wanted to
see the good in the Society while bad stuff confused the whole
picture, Ms. Shillington. He gave Mr. Trammell's old key to Mr.
Bowman, for like Bob, Mr. Bowman rises above the fray, and
participates in what the Society is supposed to do: Debate. Mr.
Sheahan's key was given to Mr. Pyrdum, for both people often say
things that add to their individual peril. Finally, Mr. Van Meter
gave his original key to the Hall, a key that shows the idealistic
view of a new member, to a nonmember, Mr. Jason Tester. Hopefully,
Mr. Tester will take a hint, and join us all soon. Mr. Van Meter
concluded by giving his final key to Mr. Shumaker.
Ms. Tomlinson was the last of the
speakers for the evening, and began by donating her communism books
to the Society for "the benefit of those that do not remember."
Following her gift to the library, Ms. Tomlinson detailed how she
felt akin to Sabrina in her time with the Society. When she first
arrived in Athens, she was a "scared and arrogant Southern girl,"
and over time, gained confidence due to the Society. She feels that
she is stronger and better as a consequence of her time in the
Society. In leaving, she has one last wish for Demosthenian: "The
Upstairs/Downstairs Rule is not just for elections." She remembered
Bob Toombs for he did what he did because that was who he was; she
thinks everyone can learn from him because he did what he believed.
She gave her working key to Ms. Brignac, and then gave her first key
to Ms. Ramirez, for she "always does things with the best
intentions." She then gave the Key to the Heap to someone who will
always fire the Society up: Mr. Hortman. She gave Mr. Weaver a
famous poster from her old apartment, and gave Katie Lewis's old key
to Ms. Visser in honor of her strength. She concluded by giving her
final key to one of her best friends, Mr. Stuart.
Following a brief recess to get over
the general weepiness of the night, the Society moved into Committee
Reports.
Ms. Visser began by stating that a
list of committee heads and a committee sign-up sheet was posted
downstairs. She detailed her plan for having "Alpha" and "Beta"
committee heads, with the Alpha head having the final authority on
all issues or disputes.
Mr. Bowman rose next, and detailed
numerous allocations that were approved by the Finance Committee for
the summer months. In addition, Mr. Bowman stated that the Finance
Committee approved some rental agreements. His committee report was
approved.
Ms. Brignac spoke about the impending
changing of the locks, and stated that she was open for any ideas
concerning new key agreements and constitutional conversion for Fall
1998.
Mr. Shumaker reminded members to pick
up any items forgotten at the 1997 Toga Extravaganza at his
apartment.
Ms. Mingledorff spoke about her plans
for the library display case in the Fall.
Mr. Hortman awarded Ms. Polentz her
presidential gavel, and talked getting together a list of summer
addresses.
Following these Reports, the Society
moved into Old Business.
Mr. Stuart claimed the floor, and
stated that the Society did a great wrong in its letter/resolution
to the Heap; this unconstitutional action must be righted
immediately.
Mr. Pyrdum rose and stated that
nothing has been done explicitly unconstitutional, for none of the
provisions of "the letter" have had a chance to take effect as of
yet. He added that the letter was the real issue, and that the
whole controversy should die quickly.
Mr. Bowman stated that we do have a
right as members to change the constitution, and that this change in
tradition was not bad.
Mr. Weaver rose and explained his
personal dismay with the Society for its "hypocrisy."
Mr. Hortman stated that the letter was
not a current violation of the Constitution, and that we all have
enough common sense to change the Constitution eventually. He added
that we have a right to debate amendments to the Constitution, and
this debate would be best saved for next quarter.
Mr. Shumaker stated that he was indeed
the one who wrote the mysterious letter to the Red and Black, and
explained the intent of the aforementioned missive.
Mr. Lowe rose, and stated that we were
not in violation of the Constitution yet, and that we'd be better
off letting the whole thing go.
Mr. Slone stated that the only
relevant issue to be debated was indeed the letter to the
newspaper. This issue is the only one that needs to be decided now.
Ms. Brignac rose as Chief Justice to
report the findings of the Judicial Council. In short, the
resolution to suspend relations with the Heap was deemed
unconstitutional, and the resolution was suspended subject to a
joint meeting of the two Judicial Councils in the Fall.
Mr. Hortman took the floor and
described his discomfort with his perception that one person was
controlling others in the Upper Chamber.
Mr. Weaver rose again, and stated that
he was really, really mad at the Society's actions.
Mr. Norman stated that we needed to
have some damage control, and that some corrective action was
necessary.
Ms. Brignac clarified her earlier
remarks concerning the Council's decision.
Mr. Bowman stated that the Judicial
Council's opinion was completely right, and that he fully supported
their actions.
At this point, the Society moved
straight from Old Business, and adjourned at 11:40 PM following the
critic's report.
There he was!! Our Savior!! The
HortMan!!! With a broad swing of his cape, the HortMan confidently
swooped to the aid of the now free-falling Chieftain. Unfortunately
for the HortMan's ego, and the ground upon which our scantily clad
former president landed, the wires that "helped" the HortMan fly
suddenly stopped working, and Mr. Van Meter was left to careen to
his doom as our esteemed President could only watch. Once the dust
cleared, the HortMan looked upward, to see that the marionette
strings that held him aloft were vacant, for Ms. Richie, the real
force in the world, had abandoned her post, and began chasing a
tuxedo-clad Mr. Stevenson, who could only emit a shrill
"WOUBWOUBWOUBWOUB!!!" as our lovely-legged-shadowy-type-person
chased, giggling all the way. Mr. Slone, our resident nay-sayer,
could only observe, and say, "I really hate it when that happens."
Fortunately, our beloved Superhero
freed himself from his harness, dropped to the ground, and rushed to
Mr. Van Meter's aid. All the Chief could do was groan, for
HortMan's first words to our Underooed Alumni were, "Hi Chief! How
ya been?" These comments were followed by the usual HortMan
cure-all, the handshake. With this, Chief emerged from his crater,
and said, "I feel better now. What do ya'll want to do?" HortMan
replied, "Let's go on over to Caldwell and debate."
So we did.
Respectfully submitted, September 18th,
1997,
Michael J. Shumaker, Secretary
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