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Well, it's that time of year again. The time when the
Demosthenian Party chooses their candidate to run for President.
The votes for the Georgia primary are about to come in, but first a
little about each of the candidates. This year Demosthenian has put
up a number of candidates for the electorate to vote on. Our first
candidate is Mr. Cohoon, a bright, young, stylish candidate who
believes that everyone should be happy and joyous about life. He is
certainly appreciated among the voters, especially of those of the
female persuasion. He currently serves as our Vice-President and as
President he says that he would take Demosthenian into the true
millennium with class. Our next candidate, the favourite, has spent
an undisclosed amount of money on her PR campaign basically
guaranteeing her a win here. Ms. Frawley has kept her committee
hard at work driving them into the wee hours to get flyers printed
and placed around the state. Her most recent success was a series
of mailers going out to each individual in the state asking them to
vote for her. As Secretary of State last year Ms. Frawley presented
a series of comical discussions related to Demosthenian business
impressing much of the Society. Mr. Callahan is running for again
President although it doesn't look like he has much hope as it was
recently revealed by Mr. Pyrdum that he had an affair with Ms.
Johnson and Ms. Bauhan at the same time while forcing his custodial
priveledges over them last year. Finally, a late entry was made by
Mr. Rivner, running again to continue his reign as Premier in the
land of the free. Rivner, in his last term of service brought about
the reform in alcohol tax, completely removing it. He introduced
the German Beer Laws into the country which requires a minimum
alcohol content in beers and also amazingly lowered the drinking age
to 16. Well, I just had word that the votes are in...
The meeting was called to order with the presence of two
first time guests, seven second or third time guests, and 1 alum,
Reverend Mr. Wells. The society heard three guests petition the
society for membership. Ms. Webb went first talking about her
incurable VH1 addiction which lead to 12 hours of non-stop “Behind
the music” and “Before they were rock stars”. Ms. Teer spoke about
the farmlife and her near death experience with a heard of
not-so-friendly cows and an overzealous dog. Then, Mr. Butler asked
us not to call ourselves generation X, but the Internet generation
based on the fact that we can not define “X”. All three guests were
welcomed into membership by the society. Following the successful
maiden speeches Ms. Frawley was appointed critic and Ms. Bennewitz
gave a treasurer’s report. This was accepted and Ms. Johnson
informing the society that Ms. Kravig and herself were going couch
shopping soon, inviting the society to join them.
The society moved through old business very quickly and
new business began with Mr. Ramsay taking the floor. He told the
society about a student at UGA who wrote a cheque to Parking
Services wherein he drew a swastika with the word “Jews” after it.
This particular student was expelled from the University, whereupon
Mr. Ramsay argued that this action threatened free speech on
campus. The resolution read: Be it resolved, the expulsion of
Michael Holder is a threat to freespeech on campus. Respectfully,
Reid Ramsay.
Mr. Miller rose and informed the society how it could’ve
easily been himself in such a position. Often people are
misunderstood for what they really mean, and this could easily have
been a mistake.
Mr. Pyrdum said that this particular case trivialises
free speech. The cheque was a threat and terror should not be a
part of free speech.
Ms. Johnson agreed with the previous speaker. She said
that it was a threat and that Holder could’ve been arrested for
simple battery.
Mr. Butler said that control is the issue. Expulsion is
UGA’s form of expulsion, and if anything, the Tate centre preachers
should be removed from campus.
Ms. Webb argued that rules are rules. It was a
threatening remark and he had a history of anti-Semitism.
Mr. Rivner said that Holden was a neo-nazi who had
threatened and terrorised his Jewish fraternity twice. Holden was
on probation and deserved to be expelled.
Mr. Slone noted that Holden didn’t have his past history
brought up at the trial. Then asked whether the notes on the cheque
were threatening, or just shocking. This should be a big issue as
this occurred in a government institution where free speech should
definitely be protected.
Ms. Mikel spoke of her ordeals with Parking Services and
how she found them to be short sighted. This cheque was probably
made out of anger and one big mistake.
Mr. Goggans (guest) said that it probably wasn’t the best
way to remove him from campus. Student Judiciary needs reform and
should act more like a court, much unlike it does now.
Ms. Wilson said that people should grow up.
Reasonability should be followed. Forcing people away from the
problem isn’t the solution. Ms. Wilson also said she would rather
have racists than have no free speech.
Ms. Dunhan (guest) noted that she is different from most
people and often called names. This is ok, as long as she is
allowed to express her opinion in return. The remarks on the cheque
were not threatening, just blatantly offensive.
The question was called and passed 12 to 8 among the
members and 6 to 0 among the guests.
After a brief pause the floor was given to Mr. Pyrdum for
the second resolution. There was silence before he rose, and this
made him think about death. He spoke about the bullfighting rituals
in Spain... at which point he ran out of time.
Mr. Slone got the floor, and yielded it to Mr. Pyrdum
again. Mr. Pyrdum continued to explain about the way Americans want
to be eternally young and have no control over their fears of
death. He presented: Be it resolved, America has no ritual
sufficient to allow Americans to cope with death. Respectfully,
Carl S. Pyrdum III
Mr. Goodhew rose, after much silence among the crowd, and
spoke how America doesn’t need a ritual for death. He asked how a
ritual like bullfighting would really help people cope.
Ms. Bennewitz said that funerals help bring closure and
the family together. We would not have funerals if they were not
good effective in coping, and that the fear of death is only
natural.
Mr. Ramsay cited the Rock of Gibraltar. His Grandfather
explained the inevitability of death and that it’s unnecessary to
fear it. Vikings celebrated the life of the person when they set
their ships on fire.
Mr. Guest compared the highly ritual and incredible
bullfights of Spain with the professional wrestling available in the
US. It brings generations together.
Ms. Johnson said that joy and love continue through the
tragedy of death. Death may take you by surprise, but forces you to
think.
Ms. Wilson said that we don’t have a ritual. Every
person must individually decide how to cope with death. Everybody
either runs away from death or feels invincible about it.
Ms. Frawley noted that Americans want to live young
forever. People see aging as the beginning of death, so we should
accept death and learn to talk about it.
Ms. Mendoza said that we pride ourselves on
individuality. We want to push ourselves away from our loved ones
and this deprives us of the true experience of life.
Mr. Cooper spoke of “El dia de los meurtos” and how
families save up money to celebrate their ancestors, turning
something tragic into something more peaceful.
Mr. Guest spoke of the death of a friend in a car crash.
He realised that we must learn to face death. It helps more with
religion, as you know they’re going to a better place.
Mr. Guest said that we didn’t need a ritual, just an
attitude adjustment. America is too focused on youth, i.e. only the
young being beautiful.
Mr. Slone finished up speaking of his Grandmother’s
death. He didn’t realise the impact until a year later. We have a
tendency to avoid the subject of death and so we need a system to
help. We are indivualists who can’t reach out to others.
The question was called and passed 10 to 5 among the
members and 4 to 3 among the guests.
The meeting was adjourned subject to Ms. Frawley’s
critics report of 14 minutes 56.47 seconds.
And.. the new candidate for the 2000
presidential election for the Demosthenian Party is.. Ms. Frawley!!
96% of the votes went to Frawley, probably due to everyone's
driveway being chalked asking for her vote. Frawley will be put up
against other candidates in November. Mr. Miller has decided to run
for the Libertarian party, with the condition that he can still
affiliate himself with Demosthenian Party, and Mr. Head, old time
Demosthenian, will be running for the Socialist party. It should
also be noted that Mr. Cohoon was originally signed up to run for
the Communist party, but had to give that up after publicly
renouncing communism. Some of the goals that Frawley and the
Demosthenian Party have made should they be (and they should be) the
Presidential winners in November include a no tolerance law enacted
against alternative debate societies with both a P and a K in their
name. Also, stricter underage drinking laws would be enforced, but
also reducing the drinking age to that of certain European countries
- age 4. Frawley has personal plans to disprove all rumours about
Rivner which could hurt her term in the White House. Rivner's "rumours"
include several of his aides claiming that he accosted them under
the bench. Not only that, but Rivner forced them to watch him eat
pizza after a long night out. Each of his aides has now had free
plastic surgery and Rivner has apparently scheduled an appointment.
Frawley doesn't want this to affect her chances so has set out to
make it obvious that herself and her loving boyfriend are happy and
content. Unfortunately, one of her advisors slipped up recently.
Ms. Mikel hit someone over the head in a bar after a male asked her
how she likes her eggs in the morning. It is rumoured that she
responded, "Unfertilized". This story was sold to Ms. Moultrie’s
new magazine which can be found at all good, sleazy checkout lines.
We wish all the candidates the best of luck for November.
Respectfully submitted this third cold day of the bitter
month of February in the year 2000,
Karl Goodhew
Secretary
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University of Georgia 