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Minutes of the
Demosthenian Literary Society for the 3rd of February, 2000
When I moved
over from England I experienced several cultural changes... but
being a Science major (or at least I was)... I found out that you
Americans do things a bit different when measuring. For example,
Mr. Goggans informed me that the Ratio of an igloo's circumference
to its diameter is now known to me as an Eskimo Pi. Or, in my
Biology class, I learned that 2.4 statute miles of intravenous
surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital is 1 I.V. League. In
Physics, Ms. Moultrie told me that they are trying to diversify, so
now 2000 pounds of Chinese soup is Won Ton. In my Analytical
Chemistry class I found out that .000001 cc. Of mouthwash is 1
microscope, and finally, in Speech, Mr. Childs told me that the
basic unit of laryngitis is 1 hoarsepower. This is all well and
good, but I also found out that you Americans have different rules
regarding grammar. Mr. Pyrdum gave me a few examples of what I
should and shouldn’t do:
Verbs HAS to
agree with their subjects. Prepositions are not words to end
sentences with. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. It
is wrong to ever split an infinitive and you should avoid clichés
like the plague. (They're old hat he said.) I should be more or less
specific while not using no double negatives. No sentence
fragments. I’ve got most of this down now. So I thank you all for
helping me adjust to this amazing culture. All that is left is for
me to introduce a monarchy into the United States to take you all
over!
The meeting was
called to order at 7:35 p.m. with four first time guests, three
first or second time guests, and four alumni present. Mr. Edwards
petitioned the society for membership speaking of his naked dancing
in the middle of the night, accidentally persuading his roommate to
leave, forever. Mr. Goggans then petitioned speaking of age in
relationships and how it really does matter. It’s hard for those to
share knowledge when they didn’t share the same pop culture. Both
were accepted into membership. Two committee reports were given.
Ms. Frawley, Chief Justice, announced this year’s debate team,
followed by Ms. Bennewitz giving the finance committee report which
was accepted.
The president
then asked everyone very kindly to be at the meetings at 7 p.m. so
that we can start in a timely fashion. The floor was then opened to
new business.
Ms. Frawley took
the floor explaining how freedom is above everything else. She went
on to say that we need freedom from poverty, squalor, and hunger to
achieve those things we want to. She presented the resolution: Be
it resolved, “freedom from” is more important than “freedom to.”
Respectfully, Kelly Frawley.
Mr. Pyrdum then
reminded us once again of those terrible times of the middle ages.
He explained the theory of the wheel of fortune and how the Kings
used it to justify their wealth, saying that the peasants didn’t
need the freedom “froms” to revolt.
Mr. Miller
talked of how liberty and self-determination is built into us. He
wouldn’t give up his life for any other man, as he would expect the
other not too.
Mr. Slone asked
how the middle age peasants were supposed to get freedom from
nothing. The Soviet Union didn’t have freedom, and this led to bad
things.
Mr. Cohoon
described how we had to look outside America. In the 50’s there was
a shortage of food in Cuba and look how that government held up.
Mr. Dick (Guest)
said that natural selection is from mutations and that freedom
“from” is anti-evolution as is removes the fun from natural
selection and survival of the fittest. Rights to do something are
pointless without freedom from things.
Ms. Webb said
that 10% of the population controls 80% of the wealth. There are
large numbers of poor people who don’t care about liberty. The
majority of people don’t have the freedom “froms”, but do have the
freedom “toos.”
Mr. Patton said
that many people in History have prefered food over liberty, and who
wants life if it only consists of food and freedom from disease?
Speaking out is much more important.
Ms. Mendoza said
that people have to transcend hunger. People in the past were free
from hunger and this gave them freedom to do things.
Ms. Parker,
(Alum) an assistant DA, said that she had taken liberty and freedom
away from somebody for eight years today. Life can be taken away
too. Education and voting help solve the problem.
Mr. Kirbis
(Alum) told us that we eventually pay for all freedom "froms" by
giving the government power and money. What would be the point of
being free from hunger and disease if you are unable to do the
things you want to do?
Ms. Wilson spoke
of her choice between having college paid for and living under the
control of her parents, or living the way that she wants to live
with a little bit of sacrifice in the way of money and posessions.
She chose her own life to do the things she wanted to do.
Mr. Oudi argued
that no one in the room could feel the pain that people don't have
the freedom froms. He would give up all freedom "to" do things for
his mother, and that we take freedom "to" do things for granted.
Ms. Mikel told
us of her mother's upbringing and how opportunities were limited.
She had to work hard, but now everything is good. She had the
freedom to do things, like go to college and decide when to change
jobs.
Ms. Bauhan gave
us a website address (www.antislavery.com) and asked us why there
are between 27 and 200 million "slaves" in the world. People have
to be allowed to be free.
Ms. Dunham
(Guest) told us of a fairly wealthy friend who had to move after a
political overthrow in her country forced her out. If individuals
don't have the ability to protect rights then all the wealth in the
world is useless. Freedom from is nice, and somewhat necessary, but
can not be maintained without freedom to do things.
The question was
called and failed among the guests 0 to 7, and the members 8 to 16
also.
The floor was
then opened and promptly taken by force by Ms. Bennewitz. Ms.
Bennewitz gave the story of the near death incident of herself and
Mr. Slone by a guy talking on a cell phone. Cell phones are a
distraction and a danger on the road. Nine countries have banned
the use of phones in the car. Ohio has banned cell phone use while
hunting, so, Be it resolved, The use of cellular phones while
driving should be illegal. Be it further resolved, the secretary of
DLS shall write a letter to Governor Roy Barnes informing him of our
opinion. Respectfully, Katie Bennewitz.
Mr. Goodhew told
of strange of activities you can't do in England, including, and not
limited to eating in the car while driving. Any distraction in the
car should be made illegal as it only furthers the danger of
driving.
Reverend Mr.
Wells visited the 70's with CB radios and station wagons. Back then
it was simpler, only talking with a few other people for fun, while
today it is mostly business. He noted that anything to do with an
SUV is dangerous.
Ms. Mikel spoke
of the Darwin award and how anybody being stupid enough to drive
with a phone deserves to die in an accident.
Mr. Crouse said
that people who work in Atlanta need to commute a long way. We are
in the age of information and need to receive constant updates about
important issues, such as stocks.
Ms. Wilson
thinks of her mother when somebody mentions cell phones. However,
her mother won't take a breath, therefore showing that distraction
and relaxation are important reasons why not to have a cell phone.
Ms. Bauhan
mentioned that it's not the cell phones that kill people, it's the
people that drive with cell phones that kill people. She told us of
her amazing ability to drive, talk, listen, and eat at the same
time. She said the resolution should read "stupid people may not
drive and use cell phones".
Mr. Slone
remained on the topic of freedom and told us that we can not head
down that road. Once cell phones have been removed we just don't
know what freedoms will be removed next.
The question was
called and failed 1 to 6 among the guests and passed 11 to 8 among
the members.
Mr. Childs
grabbed the floor and spoke of unusual weather and the strange
happenings that occured whenever a flake of snow fell on the land
south of the Mason-Dixon line. The north doesn't lose power when it
snows. They don't come to a grinding halt, only the South does.
So, be it resolved: when snow threatens, Southerners lose all common
sense, Michael R. Childs.
Mr. Goggans
spoke of how Northerners laughed at the South when it gets cold. He
told a brief story of how his mother was almost scared to death
about the threat of snow and how that would stop his flight, yet the
flight left on time.
Mr. Prydum told
us that the real stupid people are the Northerners who come down to
the South and expect the roads to be de-iced and the power lines to
be insulated. No one can break the laws of physics, but Northerners
believe they can do just that by driving on ice.
Ms. Davis (Alum)
argued that it wasn't the South that was stupid, just the Atlanta
area and those not exposed. City people are the ones who are stupid
Mr. Rivner told
us of his trip to New Hampshire and how his sensible Northern
clothing was just such a pain to get on and off. Sensible socks are
4" thick, but it's better than frostbite.
Mr. Kirbis
(Alum) spent a fair amount of time in Connecticut. It was hotter up
there than it was in Georgia at the time, and they seem to only have
two seasons, winter and the 4th of July. He had no sympathy for
Northerners who couldn't handle the hot weather.
Ms. Mikel said
that her mother worked in the government and was moved up north.
When she tried to take a snow day she was laughed at.
Mr. Patton said
that President Adams (UGA President) had to choose between a cozy
home or a busy, hard day at the office. Which would you choose?
Ms. Arnold
(Guest) recalled the time when Baxter hill was frozen with less than
an inch of snow, but how resourceful those little Brumby girls
were! They became stronger people for 1/4" of precipitation.
The question was
called and the guests banished the resolution 0 to 3, while the
members gave it more justice only failing it 7 to 11.
The meeting was
then adjourned subject to Mr. Ramsay's 13 and a half minute critic's
report.
Last Friday Ms.
Bauhan came to the hall during the day, just to see what was going
on. Well, apparently, from the letter she showed me, a lot has been
going on in the Hall. She picked up a letter off the table and it
read:
Dear Mr. Rivner:
We wish to thank
you for your letter and Polaroid photo which we recently received.
We regret, however, that we will not be able to use your photo as
our "Playgirl's Man of the Month".
When rated by
our MAW (Manless American Women) on a scale of 1‑ 10, your body was
rated a minus 2 (‑2). The panel is comprised of widowed females
ranging in ages from 50 ‑ 75 years old who have been deprived of
sexual activity for a minimum of five years.
To confirm your
below average rating, we submitted your photograph to a second
panel, the HUHA (Horny Undersexed Housewives of America), whose age
range from 25 ‑ 35. However, we could not get them to contain their
laughter long enough to rate you.
Please be
assured, that should the tastes of American women deteriorate so
drastically that a body such as yours would be in demand, you will
be notified. Meanwhile, please do not call us, we will call you.
Sincerely,
PLAYGIRL INC.
Respectively
Submitted the 10th of February, 2000
Karl Goodhew
Secretary
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University of Georgia 