|
Minutes for
the Demosthenian Literary Society meeting on the 10th of
February, 2000
There are
many ex-Demosthenian members who grew up to be famous and important,
for example, Robert Toombs, Herman Talmadge, and even our esteemed
Jason Hortman… but there are a few alumni who didn’t quite make it
in Society… I would like to tell you about one of these poor, VERY
rare individuals tonight. I’ll keep his name secret, just to
protect his identity, but I can tell you that he tried to become a
children’s author. To demonstrate how idiotic this guy was, let me
give you some of the titles of the books he had written. Grandpa
Gets a Casket was never a big success, I recently gave an
edition to Mr. Cooper, and on a scale of 1 to 10, Cooper rated it a
measly .5 exclaiming that the details of how disintegration takes
place should never really be in a children’s book. Next came A
Pre-Pubescent's Introduction to Pornography. Mr. Rivner took a
look at this one and said that although the categories are very well
split up, there really wasn’t anything that took his fancy. When
questioned what his fancy was, he mumbled something about a debate
fetish. At this point the interviewer was quite concerned and asked
what he meant by that... again, Mr. Rivner mumbled about enjoying
watching the backs of the speakers and how they sway from side to
side. I decided to move on to the next book that our unsuspecting
alum has written. Communism in the Post World War II
Reconstruction Era of the Eastern Bloc Countries due to the
Nonexistence of a Blueprint for an Efficient Proletariat State.
Needless to say, this didn’t make it big in the elementary schools,
but our wonderful Demosthenian debate team did use it as a source
during last year’s intersociety debate! Other titles that were
refused by the publishers include: Viagra: the Little Engine
that Could, Ecstacy and the Preschool Underground, and
How to Find Your Inner Child, Beat Him Bloodless, and Steal His
Lunch. If nothing else, this shows the current Demosthenian
membership that we should look to the future and make sure that we
take our role models from the successful, not the alternative.
The meeting
was called to order at 7:25 with four first time guests and three
second or third time guests present. Mr. Rivner informed the
Society that he had invited each of the SGA Presidential candidates
to speak at the meeting, but only one actually came. It should be
noted that he was also from Mr. Rivner's Fraternity, just for the
record. Kirshner then took the floor and gave a short speech on why
Demosthenians should vote for him.
Ms. Arnold
then asked for membership and gave her maiden speech on the
realities that we all face and are desensitized from. For a more
detailed, accurate description of Artificial Reality versus normal
reality read A Brave New World, which Ms. Arnold read from
and expanded on how this relates to News content and society today.
Mr. Crouse
then took the floor under committee reports and asked everyone to
sign up to bring munchies for the All Night Meeting. Finally,
before new business, a rather irate, yet still hospitable Ms.
Bennewitz took the floor to remind all of us procrastinators that
we're in debt. About $18 now. Pay your dues! She also told us
about hall usage and when to stay away.
Eventually
we reached new business and the floor was given to Ms. Tivald
(guest). She spoke of Austria's recent problem with the
embarrassing election between the Republicans and Socialists and how
this left a gap which was firmly filled by a politician who
supported Nazi SS army generals' actions. This lead to Europe’s
position of possibly ousting Austria from the EU. She presented:
Be it resolved, Isolating Austria is detrimental to the fundamental
principles of Democracy. Although foreign nations have the right to
criticize Austria's newly elected government, they should not
interfere in internal affairs and should not ignore the overwhelming
majority of people who did not vote for the Freedom Party.
Respectfully submitted, Kathanha Tivald.
Mr. Cohoon
was given the floor and argued that Europe should be able to act
however they wished, noting that the Freedom Party is too
conservative and poses a threat to the surrounding nations.
Mr. Goodhew,
foreigner, then gave up the seat at the bench and slammed Mr.
Cohoon's argument stating that Democracy would fall apart if Europe
would have it's way in removing one of Austria's government. He
also argued for free speech and the fact that people actually voted
for the Freedom Party.
Ms. Mikell
compared the changing demographics of California to the demographics
in Austria saying that they felt their culture was threatened.
Austrians are obviously dissatisfied with their government.
Ms. Frawley
said that this was a serious test of democracy, and also, if Europe
can not survive this small blip, they have no chance of having Unity
throughout Europe.
Ms. Moultrie
said that the EU has the right to exclude Austria if they choose to
do so as the EU is focused on making a stable Europe. The EU is not
responsible for the Austrian people.
Mr.
Roundtree (Guest) took a philosophical approach saying that the US
government is not designed to allow extremists to win, but this is
not the case in Austria. Europe needs to get involved before the
worst happens.
Mr. Patton,
or the little general and his fembots as Mr. Rivner now refers to
him, asked whether the majority always demonstrates reasonable
choices. All one needs to look at for examples are slavery, the
election of Napoleon, and Hilter.
Mr. Prydum
said that we have to find out what went wrong to cause a group of
democracies to decide to null a democracy. People aren't getting
what they want out of a democracy and we need to fix this.
Mr. Miller
said that US ideals of the majority have changed throughout time.
Comparing isolationism against immigration rules, Miller wished that
his hometown could be more diverse.
Ms. Arnold
said that great men and women in history are not liked much. Humans
aren't given the capacity to judge other's morals causing a false
sense of judgement compared to one's own beliefs.
Mr. Callahan
referred to slavery and how thankful he is for his freedom via the
civil rights movement. Austrians want to wait to see what happens,
but serious consequences could occur if we wait to long.
Ms. Mikell
said that based on the history of Austria, the country is either a
collaborator or a victim. Look at America from Reagan to Clinton,
this proves that people DO make mistakes!
Mr. Crouse
said that the EU problem is unemployment and with the population
being older the labor comes from immigrants. We can't judge a
country until you've seen it for yourself.
The question
was called and the guests passed the resolution 4 to 1and the
members voted 15 to 3 concurrently.
The floor
was opened again and Mr. Ramsay in his forever looming shadow
bounded beside the podium and read the articles of impeachment to
one Asher Louis Rivner condemning him to eternal shame and scandel.
However, due to due process of law (at least Demosthenian Law), the
Society is required to take the matter before the Society in the
impeachment trial. This trial has been set to run on the 19th of
February, 2000.
Mr. Slone
spoke of several rather disturbing instances where drug cartel
members had gotten away scot-free. What had they done to do this?
Cut an immunity deal. They did not pay their debt to society,
instead they turned in some other cartel members. Mr. Slone
presented: Be it resolved, Immunity deals have no place in a truly
just criminal justice system. Respectfully submitted, Jeff Slone.
Ms. Johnson
said that the judicial system is very complex. We do not trust the
criminal justice system and there is much conflict.
Ms. Mendoza
said that we have chosen judges chosen for us and we trust them with
their discretion. As citizens we should point out illegal
activities.
Ms.
Bennewitz said that we're risking our integrity by letting people go
when they are clearly guilty. We need to pin the bad guys.
Mr. Roca
said that Al Capone's accountant had to testify against his boss to
get him incarcerated.
Mr. Goodhew
argued that the only way to get the just justice is by helping the
most people in the community, therefore catching 6 bad guys and
letting one go is better than just keeping the one lone bad guy
locked up.
Mr. Callahan
said that he do not have a just legal system, instead we have
biases. That is why we must have compromise in our justice system.
We have a colour blind system and we need better judges to make the
system better.
Ms. Wilson said
that you need to look at this problem through the eyes of the
victim. How would you feel if your mother was killed and the
individual is let off to put others away. The police have the
responsibilty to put them behind bars.
Mr.
Roundtree (Guest) gave a history of justice from cavemen's justice
to today.
Mr. Alsen
said that we need to enforce justice evenly and justly. Justice
needs to be pure to be taken seriously. Compromises undermine what
our system of justice is about.
The question
was called and failed tragically 1 to 4 with the guests and 7 to 9
among the members.
The floor
was opened and Mr. Oudi snatched it. He asked for Valentine's day
to be removed from the calendar and suggested the replacement of
Anti-valentines day. Mr. Oudi didn't present a resolution because
of a mix up and was fined for obstructing the orderly flow of the
meeting, with another fine going to Ms. Mikel for personal attack.
Mr. Childs
took the floor and presented the resolution, which could hardly be
read: Be it resolved, may Valentines Day be cancelled permanently,
forever! Respectfully submitted, Sudesh Oudi. Mr. Childs then
asked, what is love? Love, he responded, is suffering. You suffer
when you're not with the other person, and Valentines reminds us of
this.
Ms. Webb
said that Valentines Day is a nice time to do something special.
She also utterly destroyed Mr. Oudi by claiming that Mr. Oudi had
declared to her that he was asexual only a day or two ago.
Mr. Prydum
in his infinite wisdom gave us the story of V-day and how it came
about. After 5 minutes of rolling people and the pope, people were
ready to inform him of the REAL story. Please note that St.
Valentines has little elves and a sleigh.
Ms. Mikel
said to talk to people and that will help and that it should be made
into a four day holiday.
Mr. Goodhew
argued that women should take a share of the cost of V-day as then
men could treat them throughout the year, just not on one day.
Ms. Wilson
was once bitter and lonely. Now she has a trophy, and she wants to
show it to the world.
Mr. Goggans
has been through several "groovy" valentines, but not this year, so
we should abolish it this year only.
Ms. Arnold
said that V-day is great, wearing nice colours, eating chocolate,
and receiving flowers. We should be happy, not bitter, if we don't
have anyone this year.
Mr Callahan
then rose to take the floor and shared a true personal story about
when he was in high school he fell in love, but never told her. Now
Mr. Callahan regrets that he didn’t express his love, so we should
all have a special day to do that.
The question
was called and passed 5 to 2 between the guests and failed among the
love-hating members 8 to 10.
Mr. Goodhew then
took the floor to tell the Society how important the All-Night
Meeting is and how the Society should behave. We were all promised
a big surprise at 7am Sunday morning and ensured the Society a place
in the History books. Not necessarily everyone’s history books, but
Demosthenian’s at least.
The meeting
was then adjourned subject to Ms. Mikel’s 4 minute 58 second critics
report.
Mr. Rivner
recently went into the media business, and with the help of Mr.
Callahan, he recently made a commercial for a famous credit card
company. It went something like this:
Cover charge:
$15.00
Round of
drinks: $23.00
Table dance:
$30.00
Another round
of drinks: $23.00
Couch dance and
tips: $50.00
A round of
shots: $34.00
Another round
of drinks: $23.00
Lap Dance:
$100.00
Private dance
and hotel room: $500.00
Sending her on
her way without having to cuddle or listen to her:
.........Priceless
Of course, the
commercial never aired, but nonetheless, when interviewed, both of
them said that it was based on a true story and that they would
gladly show me how they derived the costs. So, after much
discussion all the male members of Demosthenian decided that it was
time to see if they had done the math correctly. Needless to say,
I’m writing this report that they did in fact use proper dollar
amounts ALL the way through their commercial!
|
University of Georgia 