Minutes of the DLS: January 8, 2004

Luckily for humanity, the man wrote in and proclaimed the good word to everyone. George W. Bush is the Son of God. Yes folks, it seems that George Bush Sr., our very own earthly god, sent us his favorite son, good ol’ Dubya, to lead us down the path to world peace. You kind of have to wonder how Jeb feels about all this.

However, I was eager to learn more and so I turned to the most reliable source I know – the internet. And there I found it, contained in the most estimable Drudge report – photographic evidence that Bush truly is Jesus.

But, alas, we must now leave the spiritual realm and progress to the more earthly matter of the minutes for the meeting of January 8, 2004.

Last week we had four new guests, but no returning guests. Mr. Misztal was appointed critic and we delved into new business.

Mr. Addison rose and presented “Be It Resolved: Pete Rose should be reinstated to baseball and put into the hall of fame,” telling us of Mr. Rose’s amazing baseball skills and what a tragedy it was that he was not being properly honored.

Mr. Miller then argued that while non-sports related crimes should not factor into hall of fame status, Mr. Rose potentially committed sports fraud and should therefore not be reinstated into baseball. However, he did point out the possibility of listing Mr. Rose somewhere with an asterisk.

Ms. Winchell pointed out that baseball is a private enterprise and if it wants to ban him, it has that right. She also pointed out that as a gambler, Mr. Rose was probably not the best role model available to children.

Mr. Miller then asked that it be noted that a good gambling role model could be Mr. Bond.

Ms. Aaron also rose against the resolution, claiming that betting for or against your own team was like insider trading because you had access to information that other people didn’t.

Ms. Keyes-Blumer said that we shouldn’t be cheering for criminals and if a private investigation found evidence of wrong doing, that should be enough proof.

Mr. Higgs, an esteemed alum, argued that baseball was the real beneficiary of the situation, because it drew more attention to baseball. He also pointed out that it didn’t matter what other baseball teams did because no matter what, the Yankees would beat them.

Ms. Prabhakar claimed that the debate should center on the rules of baseball, rather than morals, because who is to say what the “right” values are?

Mr. Martinson drew our attention to the fact that by betting on his own team, Mr. Rose was more likely to use injured or tired players, potentially endangering their pitching arms and livelihoods.

Mr. Moulds brought us back to basic kindergarten learning with the helpful reminder that rules are rules and besides, other veteran players hate Pete Rose.

The question was called and failed among members 16 to 2, with Mr. Wesley abstaining because the resolution dealt with two separate issues. The resolution also failed among guests, but tied among alumni, with Mr. Higgs voting both for and against the resolution.

We then heard from the President, who had a “short” list of goals for the semester that were riveting, brilliant, and several of which were stolen from past presidents.

Moving back to debate, Mr. Moulds rose with “Be It Resolved: the US should support and defend Taiwan’s independence.” He pointed out that America supports independence and democracy all over the world, all the time and it should do so now.

Mr. Addison then rose, and having flipped a coin to decide how to debate in honor of Mr. Higgs, argued that it would really be the US defending American investments and that in the ensuing war at least 100 million people would die, and world depression would ensue.

Ms. Skrmetti then rose to point out that Taiwan is not suffering; rather, it is exploiting China.

Mr. Owens argued that the opportunity cost of this move was bad and we don’t want to make China mad because they have a lot of weapons and lots and lots of people.

Mr. Miller reminded us all that the Taiwanese government was actually competing with the government in Beijing for legitimate control of China and, besides, Hong Kong was more democratic anyway.

Mr. Hansen argued that the only thing that mattered was the good of America and even if the whole world waged war against us, we would still win.

Ms. Aaron claimed that China was a big boy and could take care itself. Taiwan is not America’s responsibility, either.

Mr. Bogue reminded us of how many people there are in China and how it was thus a very bad idea to start a fight with them.

Ms. Ballou raised the point of if Taiwan wanted independence, but not democracy, would we still support them? Democracy isn’t necessary for equality.

Mr. Misztal spoke of how the world economy would fall apart if Taiwan quit producing computer chips which they would surely do during a war. He also pointed out that China would use their nuclear weapons, resulting in dire consequences.

The question was called and passed 11 to 9 among the members, with Ms. Ballou abstaining. It failed among the guests.

Next, Ms. Keyes-Blumer rose with, “Be It Resolved: the ethical theory of cultural relativism is inapplicable, outdated, and illegitimate.” She argued that cultural relativists confused what is with what ought to be and in such a world, no concept of human rights can exist.

Mr. Addison, after again flipping a coin in honor of Mr. Higgs, supported the resolution, claiming that the system was set up by the people in power and is simply a classical liberal ideal that America holds dear.

Ms. Aaron pointed out that anything taken to an extreme loses its worth and that you cannot say that another culture is better or worse because you cannot escape your own
value system. She also assured us that she, personally, thought that Nazis were bad.

Mr. Miller claimed that cultural relativism had never fully come into existence because it was too extreme.

Ms. Skrmetti spoke of how cultural relativism was used every day by anthropologists to add to the general pool of knowledge and gives cultures access to their heritage.

Mr. Smith argued that cultural relativism does not allow the viewer to step back and that we must make decisions that require that.

Ms. Steinburg said that cultural relativism allowed for the protection of group rights and was grounded in our own system of laws.

Mr. Hansen reminded us that cultural relativism does not claim that every action is good, only that every culture is good.

Mr. Theiss said that all cultures have some good and some bad and that tolerance was not the same as acceptance.

Mr. Bogue claimed that while you can’t get rid of your own cultural beliefs, you could have understanding for others.

Ms. Prabhakar disagreed with the resolution because it states an absolute and there are no absolutes. She also pointed out that if you have a belief it is inherent that you think everyone else should also adhere to this belief.

Mr. Owens made up the world “worthful” to support his argument that by accepting cultural relativism, everything is pointless.

Mr. Williams, a guest, connected the debate to linguistic relativism, but pointed out how it was wrong because some languages are better than others, so some cultures can be better than others too.

The resolution failed 8 to 7. Mr. Owens abstained because he did not know what we were talking about and Ms. Prabhakar also abstained.

Ms. Aaron then rose with the insanely long resolution:

To the peoples of the word:
Whereas we, the people of the United States of America, constitute the most powerful, wealthiest, and mightiest of nations ever to bestride this planet that we so humbly call Earth, and
Whereas we have the power to enforce whatever cockamamie notions and harebrained schemes we happen to come up with, and
Whereas we feel that this entitles us to constant entertainment and adulation, especially when we are not within our own borders doing our important work to keep our country, and thereby the entire world running, and
Whereas we have recently decided to stop pretending we like you, hereby
Be It Resolved that each of your countries shall hereafter become theme parks based upon your nation’s culture, or better yet, upon the stereotypes we have of your cultures, and be it
Further resolved that the combination of these parks shall be known as “Worldland,’ and be it further, further
Resolved that we expect rides. Respectfully submitted, sort of, Rachel Aaron.

Mr. Miller said that the world is already our theme park and then digressed into a discussion of potential sex rides in Thailand.

Mr. Hansen claimed that a better use of the world would be as a trash dump and we should enslave the population of the world. Besides, Americans are ignorant and don’t know most countries anyway.

Mr. Owens pointed out that we already had Epcot Center, where you could travel the world in just 3 hours and have lunch in the middle.

Mr. Bogue reminded us that it would take force and money to bend the earth to our will and we should instead use that time and money to create Godzilla, Mothra, and a whole host of monsters and have them fight in other cities.

The question failed 14 to 0 among the members, with Ms. Winchell abstaining, and tied among the remaining guests.

We then adjourned, with quorum.

Respectfully Submitted,
Jennifer Skrmetti