Minutes of the DLS: January 15, 2004

New business began with Ms. Crawford’s speaking of how torture and coercion were wrong, but that, “Be It Resolved: coercion should be banned, but occasionally practiced in life saving situations.”

Mr. Miller rose against the resolution, since it was composed of two separate parts. However, he pointed out that while he believed that coercion was bad, it should be illegal to run him over with your car.

Mr. Addison told us that the spirit of the resolution was that human life should always be preserved, but that in reality it prevented due process by assuming the guilt of the suspect.

Mr. Elliot spoke of coercion as “torture light” and reminded us that “any torture is WAY wrong.” He also let us know that the angriest person in the world is his mom.

Mr. Hansen let us know that human beings were inherently good and wanted to flush, but I never did figure out how it tied into the resolution.

Mr. Owens was at first unsure of how to follow Mr. Hansen’s speech, but then went on to tell us that innocent people were always more afraid than guilty ones and regaled us with his own tale of guilt and spending the night sleeping in a holding cell with some guy coming down off crystal meth.

Mr. Flanagan spoke of how the slippery slope goes both ways and that over-salted food, sitting or standing in odd positions for long periods of time, and sleep deprivation were all forms of psychological torture, but implied he faced the same situations living in a fraternity house.

Mr. Misztal said that coercion was effective because people do not trust each other and that police officers have to lie because it is an useful interrogation tool. Our judicial system does not work very well now and it will work even less well if you take this tool away.

Mr. Moulds spoke of how although cops are supposed to serve and protect, they often cannot do both at the same time. Also, evidence obtained by coercion could be fruit of the poisonous tree, allowing the criminal to be released to hurt others.

The question was called, failing 6 to 14 among members and 0 to 5 among guests. Mr. Owens and Mr. Theiss abstained because of the nature of the resolution and Ms. Aaron abstained for the first time ever.

Mr. Elliot then presented, “Be It Resolved, the late term abortion law should be supported and upheld.” He said that while abortion was the woman’s choice in hr first trimester, the government’s interest grew in the following trimesters.

Ms. Hines then rose, speaking of how modern abortions were much safer for the mother than a rusty coat hanger. She also claimed that the fetus was a part of a woman’s body and thus it was her choice.

Mr. Addison said that the right of society to save one of its members was more important that the right of a woman to choose.

Ms. Skrmetti then spoke of how if a woman had waited until her third trimester to have the abortion, it was probably with good reason.

Ms. Aaron reminded us all of how birth was much more dangerous to a woman than abortion.

Mr. Owens said that too many people approached this debate with the attitude of “I am pro-choice, therefore I am against the resolution,” and that people should consider different situations more closely.

Ms. Prabhakar revealed how there were two types of late term abortion and that the law in question only dealt with one, so women would still be able to use the other.

Ms. Keyes-Blumer said that all life is sacred, but that the health of the mother and the child are also very important. She also said that the alternatives, adoption or foster care, can also cause mental or physical health problems.

Mr. Miller pointed out the positive aspect of the debate, saying that it revealed that our society still put women and children first, which was good, since any society that did not would not long survive.

Ms. D’Andrea was pro-choice, but could not imagine having an abortion. She also said that men could not understand pregnancy or abortion.

Mr. Ballard put forth that this was a debate of values, not numbers and he hopes he never gets pregnant.

Mr. Hansen claimed that we live in a universe in which it is impossible to be truly ethical and that this debate ties into traditions of Western ethics.

Mr. Moulds said that it was a religious debate and that it took guts to be on either side of it, even if your god was an eight-armed Buddhist statue.

Ms. Duncan quoted a rather profound bumper sticker for us, saying “if you can’t trust me with a choice, how can you trust me with a child?” She also pointed out that outlawing abortion simply makes it more dangerous for women.

The question was called and failed 12 to 10. After much debate, it was decided to note that all those who voted for the resolution were male, with the exception of Ms. Crawford, but that some men, as well as women, voted against it. Ms. Ballou abstained. The resolution failed among guests, 0 to 4.

Mr. Misztal then rose with a business resolution, a proposed amendment to the constitution,

“Be It Resolved: The Constitution of the Demosthenian Literary Society should be amended in the following ways:

a) Article IX Section 13 shall be appended with:
The Chief Justice shall also maintain a list of all those who have received a current working key through the society, and shall verify this list with that of the Treasurer at least once a semester so as to account for every key made for the society. Removal from the list shall only occur when a key is returned or proven to be damaged beyond working condition.

b) Article XI shall be appended with:
Section 5: The Treasurer shall maintain a list of all those who have received a current working key through the society, and shall verify this list with that of the Chief Justice at least once a semester, so as to account for every key made for the society. Removal from this list shall only occur when a key is returned or proven to be damaged beyond working condition.

c) Article XXIII Section 3 shall be appended with:
Members handing down keys shall be responsible for cutting off at least one node of said keys, so as to destroy them, to be verified by either the Chief Justice or Treasurer.”

His motion was tabled until the following week.

Next, Mr. Owens rose to claim that he was a loyalist, we were all renegades, and “Be It Resolved: the United States should plead to be readmitted under the British crown. Or, at the very least, reintegrate British culture into our own.” He also quoted Parliament with “Will the chair recognize that he is a bastard?” although I can’t say it as well as he can.

In the space between speeches, Mr. Theiss – of all people – was fined for cursing, since he only said half of “damn Yankee.”

Mr. Miller opposed the resolution, although he acknowledged that it might be fun to be personally subjugated to Prince William. I don’t know about the rest of you, but it was definitely too much information for me.

Ms. Aaron proclaimed that Americans couldn’t handle British rule, so we should oppose the resolution.

Ms. D’Andrea thought that Mr. Theiss looked like a little Dutch boy and she likes the taste of spotted dick.

Mr. Wesley said that at Snelling’s British Brunch, the only thing good was the ice cream, but that he had never tried spotted dick.

Ms. Crawford pointed out that the British had erased Irish culture and it they did that to us, we would lose all the cool Native American names of things.

Mr. Misztal said that Britain was cool since the drinking age was about 3 and that British people never say “Great Britain” because they let other people say the “great.”

Mr. Owens then ejected himself from the upper chamber.

I rambled about some stuff, but even I didn’t follow my speech.

Mr. Owens was then readmitted.

Mr. Sparks, a guest, acknowledged the great bands Britain had sent over to us, but said to remember that the British had really smelly breath.

Mr. Hansen said that he would rather be subjugated to a giant chicken rather than Prince William and that we should give America back to its true native inhabitants, enormous 50 pound intestinal parasites.

Mr. Moulds pointed out that James Bond didn’t even respect his own culture, since he never has a British girl, he drives a German car, and has a Finnish phone.

It is then noted that Bond used to drive a British car and it is only because he sold out that he drives a BMW.

Mr. Theiss, while holding a phallic umbrella, said we should all subjugate ourselves to his nation, John-topia. After Mr. Misztal’s prompting questions, he acknowledged that there were, perhaps, a few African nations who hadn’t yet invaded Poland.

The resolution failed 4 to 15 among members and tied 2 to 2 among guests. We then adjourned after Ms. Aaron’s over 25 minutes critic’s report.

Respectfully Submitted,
Jennifer Skrmetti