Minutes of the DLS: February 5, 2004

We had no first time guests and one returning guest.

Ms. Keyes-Blumer got us started with “BIR: the death penalty should be outlawed in the United States (exclamation mark).” She spoke of the higher number of death penalties in the south, but denied the implication that damn Yankees were trying to kill off southerners.

Mr. Addison then rose against the resolution, saying that the system was not racist because criminals were tried by a jury of their peers and that the death penalty’s extensive appeal process meant that it was not taken lightly.

Mr. Elliot supported the resolution because only god has the right to take a life. He also pointed out that no celebrity would ever get the death penalty, which was good since it meant Jennifer Aniston would never be executed.

Ms. Skrmetti then spoke of how unusual executions, such as the firing squad, could be requested in some states. Most of Mr. Elliot’s notes, however, discuss Mr. Trivedi’s question about erections and Mr. Elliot’s own diatribe on how he and I will never agree, because when we do Hell will freeze over and Jesus will return.

Mr. Theiss then informed everyone that he would want to be executed by a firing squad.

Mr. Owens pointed out that you can’t take the death penalty back and that life without the possibility of parole was a better option.

Mr. Miller acknowledged that the system went against the poor, but added that this was not the issue at hand. He said that people only use race to draw attention to the death penalty.

Ms. Duncan thought that criminals like Saddam might deserve the death penalty because they are just too dangerous.

Ms. D’Andrea said that the death penalty does nothing since it does not actually act as a deterrent. She thinks that life without parole is better, even for violent criminals.

Mr. Ballard said that cost shouldn’t be an option, since the US spends so much money on everything else. He claimed that the death penalty was a deterrent, since he was deterred from killing Mike Adams by the possibility of being executed.

The Mr. Misztal, who was, according to Mr. Elliot, that night’s GQ Man, then rose to say that all free societies have abolished the death penalty and pointed out that lethal injection is neither quick, nor painless.

It is then noted that Mr. Gallagher looked like a homeless person.

Mr. Moulds said that the government has to be able to kill us because that is what it derives its power from. He said that some criminals, like men who committed treason, could not be fixed and thus had to die.

Ms. Hines then said she was a masochist for a death penalty debate. She acknowledged that the death penalty wasn’t perfect, but neither were people. Besides, just because Europe did something doesn’t mean we should do it too.

Mr. Skiles then spoke from a utilitarian perspective, completely confusing Mr. Elliot and resulting in a lack of notes about his speech. He did, however, get Mr. Miller to claim that he was sleazy and made people nervous.

Mr. Gallagher, to no one’s surprise, argued for the death penalty as a wise economic decision. He also argued that if there was a lot of evidence, the person should be killed on the spot. He then claimed that lives could be saved by killing Mr. Miller.

The resolution passes 11 to 7 among the members with Ms. Duncan abstaining and it passed 2 to 1 among the guests.

Mr. Misztal then rose and spoke of Demosthenians weren’t worthy if we backed down out of fear. He then presented, “BIR: Due to the betrayal of its principles (freedom of speech, public discourse) and integrity (standing up to ignorance/stupidity/threats) January 30th 2004, the Demosthenian Literary Society should be awarded a Brickheap award.”

Ms. Ballou acknowledged the increasing discomfort with growing fears within the society but said that we had not yet compromised our core values.

Ms. Skrmetti then rose and pointed out that the Brickheap award was a joke, not a statement, and it should have been voted down since it was no longer funny to the society members.

Mr. Elliot said that he wanted to speak last week, but was unable too and that our behavior was a mark of cowardice. It would be alright to vote it down, but not out of fear.

Mr. Keenan reminded us that the point of the Brickheap award was to point out stupidity to people who didn’t realize how dumb they had been. Also, given that important old buildings like the Founder’s House were in trouble, our hall could be too.

Mr. Lerner said that while the Brickheap award was a joke, the issues brought up by this resolution were not. Moreover, 10 generations had built this hall and that it was not worth losing to a joke.

Mr. Miller claimed that this was not about last week, but it represents a recurring trend of fear. Not everyone got to speak the previous week and the question should not be called if people were waiting to speak.

Ms. D’Andrea told us she was proud to be a Demosthenian and that the presentation of this resolution proved the resolution wrong.

Mr. Owens said that while he too was proud of the presenters, but he was also hurt. He said we reinforced our principles by voting the previous week’s resolution down by putting our intelligence before our pride.

Mr. Ballard claimed that the resolution was based on the false assumption that everything that happened the week before was out of fear and that the resolution was an attack on the society.

Mr. Theiss that this is not the hill we want to die on. The hall is worthless without our outspokenness and he’d rather see the hall burned then our spirit die.

Mr. Gallagher said that it is the responsibility of the society to stand up for people who are afraid. He then claimed that Al Capone was the leader of the inter-fraternity council and that the fraternity members in question were smart for using all the parts of the raccoon.

Mr. Addison said that we should not be considering this and it was inappropriate.

Ms. Crawford pointed out that if The Onion quit making fun of abortion, they had lost. This is about free speech and not a joke.

Mr. Mizstal then rose to point out that he did not take this resolution lightly and he truly feels we are losing the spirit of debate. He said that the resolution was about cutting the debate short and not about not giving the Brickheap award.

Mr. Hansen said he was torn about the issue. He looked back to how Bush’s health bill was debated for two hours, but that he didn’t vote to call the question because he felt people still wanted to speak. He also said that he had no problem with the society across the way at which point Ms. Aaron pointed out that even “3 days dead and rotting” we would still be better than the Heapers.

Mr. Vick said that he wanted to speak last week in favor of giving the fraternity boys the Brickheap award. While he said that we shouldn’t prevent people from speaking, we do have rules and the society voted to end the debate.

Mr. Addison acknowledged Mr. Vick’s point that we use parliamentary procedure, but that there was a bigger issue at hand than last week’s actions. He also felt that this resolution had been wrongly presented.

The resolution failed 5 to 14 with Ms. Keyes-Blumer and Mr. Hansen abstaining.

Mr. Williams then lightened the mood with the idea that equestrian people were “crazy with a K” and “BIR: Horses serve no great useful purpose in modern, industrialized societies.” He did, however, acknowledge that the resolution did not call for the elimination of the horse.

Mr. Misztal then claimed that Poland was nation with a proud and illustrious history and is a modern industrialized nation. Therefore, we should make modern industrialized horses because “we’re done with light bulbs, these horses will have lasers for eyes….Bobby T would want us to take Ft. Sumter with laser-eye horses.”

Mr. Addison pointed out the importance of the Budweiser horses because they bring us beer, although Mr. Vick claimed it was bad beer and Mr. Moulds seconded that. Mr. Williams asked if other animals couldn’t bring us beer like elephants [wiggly trunk motion with arm] or tigers [roaring cat gesture].

Ms. Skrmetti then said that engines have more horsepower, super glue is better than horse glue, and Catherine the Great supposedly died having intimate relations with a horse. It is then noted that thanks to the prompting of some question about bass, I made an allusion to sex with cold, slimy fish.

Ms. D’Andrea said that she was a lifetime horse enthusiast and that horses were wonderful, beautiful creatures. I think she won most people over to that point when she told us of how horses could be trained to drink beer.

Mr. Miller then claimed that beer drinking horses were not integral to society, but that beer drinking Cajuns were. Horses are simply left over traditions from older times. Mr. Owens, meanwhile, informed us that “Muppets rock!”

Mr. Vick said that this was about movies, not Polish people, beer, or porn. He said that Gandalf didn’t have to be riding a horse, he could have just as easily been riding a bunch of cats stuck together.

Mr. Moulds informed us that Germans had lots of horses in World War II and thus they overran Poland. Personally, I think they ran it over just because it was Poland. But, Mr. Moulds also claimed that nothing was more exciting than a bunch of horses running around in a circle.

Mr. Elliot said “that guy is hung like a horse” and “piss like a race horse” and asked us where we would be without horses.

Mr. Hansen quoted the French in saying that the end of horses meant the end of the world. Also, “horse” is an important Chinese word.

The question was called and failed 7 to 9 among members and 1 to 0 among guests. Mr. Vick then said that he never mounted a bass on his wall and Mr. Misztal pronounced that Poland and Alabama will rise again.

After a motion to adjourn failed, Mr. Owens rose to speak. He told us he watched TV this week and saw Janet Jackson’s boob. Well, who didn’t, Mr. Owens? So, “Whereas the Superbowl XXXVIII Halftime Show was the worst waste of national airtime ever, Be It Resolved, that the President of DLS should not attempt to stretch debate past a point at which a resolution so poorly concocted as this shall be necessary.”

The question was called and failed by the incredibly wide margin of 2 to 14 among members, with Mr. Miller abstaining, and passed 1 to 0 among guests. It is also noted that Mr. Theiss looks funny jumping up and down with a red face.

After a motion to adjourn again failed, Ms. Crawford told us that she only read Playboy for the articles, since she was put off by the pictures of naked women and presented, “Be It Resolved: Scantily clad is sexier than naked.”

Mr. Owens agreed that since he spent no small amount of time thinking about it and said that he feels better about a woman who is not completely naked.

Mr. Vick reminded us that sexiness goes beyond clothing or a lack thereof and said that sexiness is the way a person “looks or laughs at you and the way they flinched at your touch.”

Mr. Moulds watched the halftime show and only paid attention when Janet Jackson revealed herself. He did not, however, address the issue of whether or not his fraternity made Pina Coladas that night.

Ms. Skrmetti said that Speedos on fat, hairy European men were a bad idea.

Ms. D’Andrea then countered with how hot Speedos looked on the men’s swim team, a point I must whole-heartedly agree with.

Ms. Prabhakar, after instructing her hair clip to stay, said that being mostly naked with some strategic coverage can make you look really good.

Mr. Miller says that the clothes you wear date you and we should all be proud of our bodies. I, however, am proud of the fact that Mr. Elliot awarded me a cool point in the notes for bringing up the differences between “naked” and “nekked.”

Ms. Duncan agreed with Mr. Miller. Really, that is all Mr. Elliot wrote. She also said, though, that there was variety to be had in partly clad, whereas there was no variety in naked.

Mr. Theiss said that he doesn’t like naked ladies because of the law of diminishing returns. Mr. Keenan then asked the amazing question: “When you see them naked, don’t you want to in-Theiss them?”

Mr. Misztal told us some pirate joke, predicted a scantily clad debate in our future, and then sat down.

The resolution passed 15 to 2 among members and 1 to 0 among guests.

We then adjourned after Ms. Ballou’s critic’s report.

Respectfully Submitted,
Jennifer Skrmetti