Minutes of the DLS: March 25, 2004

It was announced last week that Dr. Lindquist is going to Vandy. Poor woman. So we heard from Dr. John Murphy why he wants to be our next advisor. He teaches rhetoric and public discourse in the Speech Communication department, debated as an undergrad at Bradly, and has coached debate teams before. Also, he is engaged to Dr. Lindquist who said she would hurt him if he didn’t ask to be our new advisor.

Mr. Elliot got new business started with “BIR: Archaeologists are thieves and grave-robbers and should no longer be allowed to excavate historical sites.”

Ms. Skrmetti pointed out that archaeology had changed since the 1970s and we must continue to excavate because of what we learn from the past.

Ms. Aaron said that archaeologists help to save artifacts and they teach us about forgotten peoples.

Ms. [Deb], a guest, told us that in the past, archaeologists had robbed sites out of reed but that now they uncover what has been lost.

Ms. Prabhakar supported the resolution because archaeology was an example of cultural imperialism and that archaeologists and anthropologists contaminate other cultures.

Mr. Addison the younger, a guest, asked why we needed to know about cultures that had destroyed themselves and vanished from history.

Mr. Addison the elder said that since we can’t desecrate modern graves in the United States and so we shouldn’t be allowed to desecrate ancient graves. Cultures buried their dead for a reason and we should respect that.

Ms. Keyes-Blumer pointed out that you can’t study history without studying material culture. If outside contamination is a problem, then archaeologists from within that culture can do the work.

Mr. Moulds spoke of how archaeologists didn’t dig up Christians, but seemed to have no problem digging up people from other cultures. Moreover, the research doesn’t teach us about the past because most of it is speculation.

Mr. Jackson started out with “finders keepers, losers weepers,” saying that if robbers got to the stuff, then they deserved to steal it.

Mr. Mizstal said that the road to hell was paved with good intentions and since important ideas survive within a culture, there is no need to learn about the past.

Ms. Brown argued that we have to accept the fact that archaeologists are thieves and grave-robbers. If we need information for medical research, we should use modern cadavers.

Ms. Crawford regaled us with a tale of dogs eating artifacts in the archaeology lab here at UGA and of how everyone gets drunk at field school.

Mr. Addison the middle, a guest, said that graveyards and the dead should be treated with great respect. Digging them up later is not showing them that respect.

Mr. Miller said that he knows thievin’ and grave robbin’ and “this ain’t it.” Thievin’ and grave-robbin’ are common in Cajun country and archaeology is not.

Mr. Smith asked what ownership was and said that cultural ownership was even harder to define. All artifacts are part of human culture and since our culture values academic knowledge archaeologists should continue to dig.

Ms. Ballou pointed to the fact that archaeologists mainly dug up trash piles, not bodies, and that you can learn a lot by going through someone’s trash.

The question was called and failed 4 to 14 among members and 2 to 5 among guests. It is then noted that Addison cubed is terrifying.

Ms. Crawford then presented “BIR: Incest between consenting adults should be legalized.”

Mr. Owens only supported the resolution if it was between twin sisters. He then spoke of the Hapsburgs as an example of how incest was a bad idea.

Mr. Williams told us that “my parents bought me” and then pointed out that most families were messed up enough without adding sexual tension into the mix.

Mr. Wesley claimed to be an academic and posited that “sex = good.” Sex should never be illegal if it is consensual.

Ms. Aaron, her heart broken forever by Bobby, worried about Ms. Crawford’s repeatedly sexually deviant resolutions. She supported incest between consenting adults, but argued that bestiality was different.

Mr. Elliot pointed out that consent can lead to bad things, especially – apparently – in Germany. The children of incestuous relationships would suffer from “social stigmata” or “astigmatism,” or maybe even social stigma.

Mr. Miller told us that we were being asked to legalize incest, not to compel it. He then said that humans don’t want to have a sexual relationship with the people they spend time with in the first 30 months of their life.

Mr. Addison the youngest, a guest, said that the odds of a birth defect resulting from incest now were higher than the odds 200 years ago. The gene pool is more tainted now than it ever has been.

Ms. Ballou told us that for a significant number of genetic mutations to occur in a population as large as the human population would take thousands of years. The odds of two people having the same genes are 1 in 80 billion.

Mr. Theiss spoke about the good aspects of incest – like how without incest we would not have anyone to “debate.” He then claimed that their women had not only been hit with an ugly stick, but had fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Mr. Misztal encouraged everyone to speak, even if they were a communist or catholic. He then said that incest was taboo, socially and biologically.

The question was called and passed 10 to among members and 4 to 2 among guests. Ms. Ballou abstained and Mr. Misztal told us he was glad not to be related to anyone in the society.

Ms. Keyes-Blumer then rose with “BIR: it is ethical for Justice Scalia to rule on the energy case with Dick Cheney.”

Mr. Owens opposed the resolution after acknowledging that the mass exodus from the right side of the room made him feel like he was in Congress. He said that for Scalia to serve on the case would undermine what little faith people still had in the judicial system.

Mr. Moulds said that a conflict of interest exists for lower courts, but that the Supreme Court is different.

Mr. Miller said that not all Republicans are the same and that members of the Supreme Court regularly attend political events.

The question was called and failed 7 to 8 among members and passed 4 to 1 among guests.

Mr. Keenan presented “BIR: ___________ is all that matters.” He then contended that Tang was all that mattered.

Mr. Addison rose with a serious take on the issue, claiming that “love is all that matters.”

Mr. Misztal asked us why we were all here, spoke of our “forepredecessors” and claimed that “public speaking is all that matters.”

I proclaimed that Britney Spears is a whore and can’t sing and that “80’s pop is all that matters.” I also informed the President “you’re making me nervous short man.”

Mr. Miller claimed that “self-flagellation is a legitimate means to achieving a mystical experience” and that “true happiness is all that matters.”

Ms. Perle, a guest, said that “integrity is all that matters.”

Ms. Brown then said that “ a good orgasm is all that matters” and related it to each of the preceding options brilliantly.

Mr. Wesley then noted that Ms. Brown is a freak, which Mr. Owens changed to superfreak and Ms. Ballou then changed to “superfreak momma.” Mr. Misztal argued that it was a cry for help.

Mr. Elliot told us that “life was all that matters,” because how would the rest of it matter if we were dead.

Mr. John Addison said that “language is all that matters” and was put on the no-sex list without even being a member.

Mr. Owens, after saying seriously that love is important, argued that “not being on fire is all that matters.”

It is then noted that Mr. Theiss was bright red when Mr. Owens said surely someone loved him.

Mr. Williams asked, “what did the five fingers say to the face?” (Answer: SLAP.) He then presented that “The Chappell Show is all that matters.”

Mr. Moulds refused to give in to Mr. Addison’s cheap attempt to get laid and argued that “alcohol is all that matters.” He also pointed out that the problem with AA meetings is that the people there are not drunk.

Mr. Theiss presented two points. The first, in true Todd Lewis style, was that “not sucking is all that mattered.” His second, real, resolution was that “fear of pain and dismemberment were all that mattered.”

It is then noted that several people saw his speech as a cry for help.

Mr. Vick rose to announce Mr. Theiss’ insanity, as if we hadn’t noticed, and presented “being nice to Mr. Theiss is all that matters.”

Mr. Keenan then noted that the actions of the Addison boys reflect that their parents should not “Add-a-son.”

The question was called, but no one option really stood out as winning.
It is noted that Mr. Lerner was extremely sarcastic when presenting the options of love and integrity.

We then adjourned after Mr. Ballard’s critic’s report.

Respectfully Submitted,
Jennifer Skrmetti