Minutes of the DLS: April 22, 2004

In committee reports, Mr. Moulds read us the Traditions Council’s response to our accusations. Their letter proved to us all that they cannot speak English and they thought of themselves as the great battleship the USS Traditions Council.

Mr. Mizstal told us of the semester’s finances and we learned that we had added 5 fingers, only to lose 10.

Mr. Lerner informed us that “all elections are special” and began the proceedings for electing his replacement, Mr. Moulds.

We then elected Ms. Prabhakar as our new vice-president. Ms. Prabhakar’s real joy, however, was in dumping the office of treasurer.

Next the order of business was suspended so we could welcome Mr. Register to the society. His speech revealed not only his love of haiku, but also that Charlie was not tuna, elections were long, and asked us why Billee wore a bathrobe.

Mr. Vick was then elected our new secretary, after we were unable to eject Mr. Trivedi from the upper-chamber during a stump speech.

Then came judicial council elections where we chose Mr. Smith and Mr. Owens as our new associate justices and Mr. Addison as our new chief justice.

At this point in the minutes, Mr. Ballard has drawn a diagram of how his IQ plummeted as the meeting approached its 5th hour.

Mr. Ballard’s IQ must have plummeted some more at this point, because he allowed us to elect him treasurer. During the debate, Mr. Smith, upon having sharp scissors pointed at him, offered to be Ms. Skrmetti’s hostage any time, especially considering no one would care if she took Mr. Lerner hostage.

In the ensuing chaos, we somehow managed to elect Mr. Mizstal our new historian.

Ms. Brown, upon showing us her new police helmet and sharp, pointy, plastic weapons was chosen as our new sergeant-at-arms.

Ms. Keyes-Blumer became our new librarian, promising to take care of things this June because she has nothing better to do.

And last, but certainly not least, Mr. Martinson was elected our new custodian and immediately after the meeting began cleaning up the mess the bench officers had made during his speech.

The new officers were sworn in and we then adjourned to the Grill, well those few brave souls still awake did, where we ordered anything on the menu that they would let us smother in feta cheese. Ms. Ballou then pointed out that Athens, GA must consume more feta cheese than any other city in the south, making this one damn Yankee great place to live.