| Minutes for 12/09/04
In our last meeting of the semester, Christina Rennert joined
after a giving a maiden address dispelling myths about Romania
in which she boasted “our freedom is so much bigger than yours!”
Which brings to mind the image of two democratic nations in
a locker room, whipping out their respective freedoms to see
whose is bigger. At least the US still holds the record for
being fatter than any other nation.
After Miss Rennert was sworn in (first as an officer, and THEN
as a member), Mr. Ballard delivered an embarrassing Censor Morum
report in which he revealed that Miss Keyes Blumer is an active
member of Al-Queda, Miss Hines cannot stop calling Blake Tillery,
and Miss Prabhakar has a continuing relationship with Ralph
Reid.
Next, Miss Benton gave her farewell exhorting all current members
to never take no for an answer and not to quit, even when things
get tough. She left us with new beads to vote with, a slew of
excellent literature and initiated the Gamer Geek Key (which
she gave to Mr. Martinson).
Mr. Theiss then presented:
BIR: The DLS shall appoint an ad hoc committee
to review the Constitution.
BIRF: The Committee shall present its findings
before the end of the Spring semester of 2006.
BIFFR: The committee shall be made up of six
members, including the Judicial Council to be appointed by the
Vice-President.
R.S.
John Henry Theiss
Matt Addison
Samantha Keyes Blumer
Which mercifully passed without debate, 19/1.
Mr. Williamson followed with the resolution,
Therefore, be it resolved:
Whereas the Constitution of the United States of America reads:
“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion,
or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom
of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people to peaceably
assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”
Therefore, the separation of church and state is not protected
by the Constitution of the United States of America.
Miss Brown oppsosed the resolution giving an informative speech
based on a research paper she did using primary sources of conversations
between founding fathers. She felt that the presenter had used
an inappropriate definition of “respect.”
Mr. Theiss supported the resolution as he philosophized, “There
is a wall, but how thick is the wall?” concerning church and
state.
Miss Hines then opposed the resolution because the meaning
of the Constitution is that the government cannot have a religion.
Mr. Ballard, usually a cold-hearted Republican, invoked warm
fuzzies when he warned against twisting the establishment clause
into something “anti-religion” because religion can be good
in society, when it brings hope to people in jail or in poverty.
In one of Miss Skrmetti’s now rare, but always wonderful speeches,
she argued against the resolution because there can be no balance
between God and the government.
Miss Keyes-Blumer rose to agree with the resolution, but added
that discriminatory student organizations should not get government
funding.
Mr. Weiss then spoke against the resolution, citing experiences
at his mostly Christian high school where a Jewish group was
terrorized. Give us a break Mr. Weiss. Since when in history
have the Jews ever been ostracized?
Mr. Ballard just had to have the last word, so he rose a second
time and pleaded desperately for a happy medium between religion
and the government, because otherwise, we will lose diversity
in the marketplace of ideas.
The resolution failed 5/8 among members and 0/1 among alumni.
Mr. Duffy changed the tone from sacred to sexual with:
BIR: The statutory rape law should
be abolished and the age of consent reduced to fourteen.
Respectfully Submitted,
Alan Duffy
Mr. Theiss waxed poetic again with speaking of a “line in the
sand” between young and old. What’s with all the barrier analogies?
Mr. Martinson agreed that the trustworthiness of twelve year
olds makes statutory rape laws problematic, but took issue with
the resolution on the basis that it would be legal for some
adolescents to have sex, but not to drive, thus forcing them
to ask their parents to facilitate their salacious rendezvous.
In a shocking but weirdly titillating speech, Miss Hines supported
the resolution, mostly out of regret that she was not able to
marry, have sex, and begin a hopefully long and fruitful childbearing
career at the tender age of seven.
For some reason, this failed to inspire the resolute remaining
members, and the resolution failed 2/9 among members and 0/1
among alumni, with Mr. Weiss abstaining because fetuses should
be legal.
After a fine critic’s report from Mr. Martinson, we adjourned
the meeting for a precious bit of revelry at Little Italy before
the looming finals week.
Respectfully submitted,
Emily Anne Crawford
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University of Georgia 