Minutes of the DLS: January 27, 2005

Mr. Theiss presented
B.I.R. The Cobb County disclaimer which reads, “This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically examined”, is an affront to scientific thought, and such affronts should not be allowed in schools that clame (sic) to teach children science.
R.S. John Henry Theiss

Apparently someone told Mr. Theiss to have an open mind when it comes to spelling and grammar, because he spelled claim c-l-a-m-e.

Mr. Martinson revealed his kinky side when he rose to tell us about taking AP chemistry out of sadism.

Mr. Williamson claimed that politics should stay out of school, but that the stickers are not an affront to science.

Miss Raley rose to remind us that because Intelligent Design scientists bypass the peer review process, they have no place in science. If they want to bypass one of the most crucial parts of the scientific process, maybe they bypass the others, too, like coming up with hypotheses and then testing them out.

Miss McFarland began her speech by saying “I am a dirty atheist whore,” a comment she later regretted when she realized that Josh Weiss’s parents had been in the audience.

Mr. Weiss regaled us with a story about a teacher who was too frightened of the consequences to teach evolution. He then said something that I have never heard a sane human being say before. “Public schools are not a bad place. They teach you what you need to know.”

Miss D’Andrea rose to inform us that she was not scathed, even though she was from Cobb County and reminded us that you can indoctrinate your children at home if the school doesn’t do it.

Mr. Fleishman, a perpetual guest, reminded us that great scientists like LaMarke, Darwin, and Alfred Wallace found nothing incongruous with Christianity and evolution, and ended with a rallying battle cry, “Each person has a responsibility to fight creationism!” In which he suggested that we duel Cobb County school board members to remove the stickers.

Mr. Smith spoke about how the resolution must pass because the school board used a colloquial use of the word “theory” on purpose.

Mr. Addison said that it was more important that schools teach us critical thought than which theory is correct. Mr. Addison, doesn’t the sticker asks students to “critically examine evolution? Isn’t that enough?

Mr. Hansen began his speech by saying, “Schools are not in the business of teaching facts,” which was met with riotous applause. He then suggested that every text book have a sticker like this one.

Mr. Ballard reminded us that sometimes it takes a long time to change close-minded ideas, the way Aristotle was hard on women, gradually, over time attitudes changed, and now women are respected. He thought that maybe if we eased into it, we could change the minds of Cobb Co. parents. Let’s hope it doesn’t take 2,000 years.

Miss Keyes-Blumer warned that underprivileged students might not take science seriously if they saw these stickers. Ah, the underprivileged of Cobb County, who get used Volvo’s when they turn sixteen instead of new Lexuses.

Mr. Earl, a former Cobb County high school student told us of dumbed down math, a morning independent study class spent examining his pillow, and an AP computer science class that studied Quake 2. He found the stickers irrelevant because high school does not educate.

Miss Prabhakar agreed with the resolution because Creationism is not the most credible theory.

Mr. Elliot rose to tell us that people in Cobb County are not capable of rational thought and that politicians are not capable of looking at the greater good.

A guest then agreed with the resolution because she was a Goddang southerner, a Goddang Georgian and that she was darn proud of both, and that the stickers made southerners and Georgians look stupid, and thus, should be removed.

Mr. Williams then debunked creationism, because if you can’t prove it false, it’s not science.

The resolution passed, 13/8 among members and 11/5 among guests.

Mr. Addison opposed the idea that high schools teach students, and Mr. Ballard voted in the affirmative.

Mr. Williams then presented:
Be it resolved: Minds cause people. Respectfully submitted, Nathan Williams.

Mr. Williamson disagreed with the resolution because souls cause people.

Mr. Fleishman countered this by saying that he doesn’t “get” souls because you can’t use them in a wrestling match. This is apparently a new way of defining existence, for all the philosophers out there—if you can’t use it in a wrestling match, it doesn’t exist!

Mr. Earl was uncertain on the resolution because no one really understands the brain.

Mr. Weiss agreed with the resolution, mentioning that because clones can think individually, they are not the same person.

Mr. Smith also agreed, citing the mind-bending reason that the brain could never be seen, thus understood, by itself because that would require its removal.

Mr. Hansen stated that the resolution must be true, because it is a tautology.

Mr. Theiss said that choices cause people, and reminded us that we are the only animals that can commit suicide.

Miss Hoekstra said that experiences form a mind, and thus, cause people.

Miss Renert spoke of manipulation, but asserted that nature should be left as is.

Mr. Ballard encouraged us to remember that some of our best thinkers had a form of autism, and that trying to help them overcome their deficiencies would risk changing them as human beings.

A guest then rose to disagree with the resolution because brains are more mushy, organic vegetables than sleek computer chips.

Miss Keyes Blumer informed us that most religions hold that the soul is separate from the mind. She also stated that personality changes rendered a completely different person.

The resolution passed 8/7 among members and 7/3 among guests.

Mr. Earl then presented:
Be it resolved: The South blows. Respectfully submitted, Darren Earl.

Mr. Burkhart disagreed with the resolution because the girls in the South are better, but he only compared them to Idaho girls, a seeming non-contest. A motion to have him adjusted failed, as did the subsequent motion to have him ejected.

Mr. Weiss condemned the entire United States, and not just its Southern region, based on a comparison to Canada.

Mr. Ballard railed against supporters of the resolution for being bigoted, and noted that the South benefits the nation and controls politics in Washington.

Mr. Martinson rose to say “You lost the war, get over it!”

A guest then went on a tirade against the Midwest, and when asked how it compared to the “sucky South” she noted that it sucks so bad, it sucks all the suckiness out of the South.

Another guest then lamented her experiences in the South with uncharitable Virginians.

Miss Hoekstra next took on a Scarlet O’Hara like drawl to sing the praises of Southern men and their unparalleled manners.

I then rose to cite a security guard an a sociological study that the South is violent.

Mr. Duffy celebrated Chick-Fil-A and Robert Toombs, but berated the South for not having more Irishmen.

Miss Renert next disagreed with the resolution. Chris Hansen, acting secretary at the time wrote that “After seeing a vision of a greasy, hormone-laced chicken [she] came to proclaim, “The South is inside me!”

Mr. Weiss the Senior, a guest, gave a speech I heard praised extensively over the following week, spoke of civil rights and lynchings as examples of Southern Shame.

The resolution failed 5/9 among members and 1/8 among guests.

We adjourned, subject to Mr. Ballard’s critics report, and it was noted that the tyranny of the majority ended the meeting, silencing those who wished to continue.