Minutes of the DLS: March 10, 2005

We began the meeting by inducting Mr. Brian “Hot Legs” McGuire into the society after his excellent speech summoning Demosthenians to criticize everything. He may get more than he bargained for.

Mr. Weiss then presented
BIR: Whereas if one does not believe in a higher power, their life can have no true meaning.

Mr. Fleischman rose to try to stick it to God, saying, “What meaning does God’s life have?”

Miss McFarland reminded us that she is a dirty atheist whore, blaming her dirty whoreness on her atheism, because life is about as good as it’s going to get right now.

Miss Brown revealed her true nerdiness by saying that we are all wrong, because 42 is the meaning of life.

Miss Aaron rose to say that the sacrifices of an atheist are richer because they have no fallback plan of heaven. P.S. Miss Aaron, congrats on your new engagement.

Mr. Lerner rose to say that while neither he nor anyone else could define Good, he knew it had to come from, “interactions between people.” Is this what Psych majors use as pickup lines?

“What is the meaning of meaning?” pondered Mr. Williamson, sounding almost Clinton-esque.

Miss Hines felt that the resolution should fail because it applies to so few, because our culture is one of the few that constantly analyzes itself.

Mr. Theiss said sometimes assassination is necessary for meaning.

I attempted to give a hilarious speech about miscommunications in meaning, but failed miserably.

Mr. Hansen, perhaps in an attempt to answer Mr. Williamson’s question, “What is the meaning of meaning,” said “Meaning is Meaningless.”

Miss Keyes-Blumer urged us to find meaning in serving other people.

A guest rose to say that the meaning of life can be different for different people.

Mr. Ballard said that faith was important in achieving goals, but said that “Every time we argue religion, I feel like I’m in the shower at Sing-Sing and I dropped the soap!”

Another guest said that we should embrace life, because we will all die eventually.

Mr. McGuire claimed that we have lost the ability to commit suicide because of evolution.

Miss McFarland told us the story of her painful rejection of religion, and how it helped her find meaning and purpose in her life.

The question was called, and the resolution passed 11/10 among members and failed 7/2 among guests.

Mr. Ballard then presented:
Whereas a high school speech, forensics and debate tournament would benefit the Demosthenian Literary Society by serving as a fundraiser and as a recruitment effort.;

Whereas such a tournament would also imporove the Demosthenian Literary Society’s image on the UGA campus, and would provide positive publicity for the organization;

Whereas the task of organizing this competition will provide an opportunity for the alumni and current members of the Society to unite together for a common purpose; and

Whereas hosting a high school forensics competition is in accordance with the Demosthenian Literary Society’s mission to promote excellence in the arts of speech and debate;
Be it Resolved:
1. Sometime during the Spring semester of the year 2006, the Demosthenian Literary Society shall host a High School Speech, Debate, and Forensics Tournament.
2. The Demosthenian Literary Society shall create and ad hoc committee to schedule, plan and operate this tournament; this committee shall also provide the society with regular updates on the progress it makes.
3. The previously mentioned ad hoc committee shall be created immediately upon the passage of this resolution and will disband one week after the conclusion of the forensics tournament.

Respectfully submitted,
Lindsay P. D’Andrea
David Ballard
Morgan Duncan
Samantha Keyes-Blumer
Danielle Pearl
Michelle Hoekstra
John Henry Theiss
Matt Addison
Sara Ellen Brown
Josh Weiss
Amish Trivedi
Gregg Blangero
Matt Williamson
Radhika Prabhakar
Jennifer Skrmetti
Charles Ballard
James Shanahan
Nathan Williams
Chris Hansen
Robert V. Wesley
Rachel Aaron
Alan Duffy
Ryan Van Meter
Crystal L. McFarland
Matt Lerner
John Elliot

The resolution passed unanimously, and it was noted in the minutes that there’s always one asshole.

Mr. Addison then presented
BIR: ____________ is America.
Purporting that Grandma’s House is America.

Mr. Elliot then rose to say that the Land is America, because it makes us who we are.

Mr. Ballard claimed that Freedom is America, even though it has been a work in progress.

I rose to say that Low Carb bread is America because it is so superficial and indulgent.

Mr. Moulds suggested that kicking some ass is America, and proceeded to give the entire history of the nation in terms of kicking some ass.

Miss Koval said that money is America, because that is what makes us the land of opportunity.

Mr. Williamson said that rule of Law is America because without it, there is nothing, not even freedom.

Miss Pearl, perhaps after too many long nights spent researching the ICC under threats from Mr. Theiss, said that workaholism is America.

Mr. Duffy said that Jesus is America.

Mr. Theiss said that the Nation is America, citing our uniquely diverse population.

Miss Prabhakar that 2 door Suvs are America, because America is excess.

Mr. Hansen rose to say that “America is a bunch of big fat dudes saying we are good,” and thus self aggrandizement is America.

Mr. Weiss said that America is the state of New York, because it is the best state we have to offer.

Miss Keyes-Blumer was then fined for curse words.

A guest said that America is innovation, because we are technology.

Miss Hoekstra compared America to panhandlers downtown, saying “hope” is America.

Mr. Addison rose again to say that academic dishonesty is America, because everyone had stolen their ideas from someone else.

Mr. Williams then claimed America is revolt, given our rebellious past.

Miss Renert concluded the resolution by arguing that America is nothing but dreams, because it is full of promises but is ultimately unfulfilling.

Kicking Some Ass won with 4 votes, while the land, low carb bread, Jesus and dreams each received one vote, workaholism received 2 votes, and the nation and New York garnered 3 votes each.

It was noted that Mr. Williamson was the only person to vote for Jesus, and that Miss Prabhakar left early, but would have voted for 2 door SUVs.

Mr. Weiss then presented:
Whereas there are 2 Josh Weisses who frequent the society and
Whereas the society’s minutes will become confusing with the presence of 2 Josh Weisses,
BIR: Josh Weiss of Marietta, Ga. Shall choose a new last name to appear in the minutes.
BIFR: The secretary shall change the minutes of this past semester where necessary to reflect this change.
Respectfully submitted,
“The original to the society”, Josh Weiss
The question was called, and the resolution passed, 10/3.

Mr. Theiss then presented
BIR: PUTA (People for the Unethical Treatment of Animals) shall be formed for opposition to PETA.

I was fined for making a personal attack on Mr. Theiss when I gave a speech calling him an idiot for choosing the word “puta,” which means “bitch” in Spanish.

Mr. Burkhart regaled us with the story of his transformation from an extreme carnivore to someone who loves to cuddle animals. He then threw a pencil at Mr. Theiss, at which point it was noted in the minutes that people should not throw things.

Mr. Williamson supported the resolution, because pretty much anything deep fried is good, even deep fried pig’s anus.

Miss Hoekstra reminded us that insects outnumber us 1 billion to 1, and could take us out if they really wanted to, so be careful!

The question was called and the resolution failed 7/6.

It was noted that after realizing what “puta” meant, Mr. Ballard knew what that Hispanic woman was yelling at him.

After Mr. Weiss’s thorough critics report, we adjourned to Little Italy.