Minutes of the Demosthenian Literary Society, October 13
A dialogue, between Rhetor and Gathering
Rhetor: Sing, O Demosthenian, sing even with the songs of Vityakara, of the great events of seven days past. How did it happen that you found yourself in that den of thieves and dunces across the way?
Gathering: Is it not the duty of those with great souls to enlighten those less fortunate? Does not the sun in rising dispel even deepest darkness? Even so, we might with our discourse enlighten even such benighted souls as those.
Rhetor: And what discourse can there be between those highwaymen with hearts as hard as those of wild dates, and us of noble poets’ souls, tender as opening jasmine when touched by dew?
Gathering: Is it not said of the moon that, with its nectared rays, it can bring even a stone to tears?
Rhetor: And how, I pray you, did the villains react when first you were seen?
Gathering: Even as the old dog, its ears thick with ticks, its head drooping and its tail thrust between groove of worn-out rump does, when from afar it sees its rival. The Heap swelled with rage at our approach, it bore its teeth as white as ivory, and growling softly, it slinked away.
Rhetor: And how, I ask you now, did their President make his argument?
Gathering: He argued even in the manner that Fatty makes love to his wife. If Fatty wants to kiss his lass, he must fail at the greater goal; achieving the greater goal, he must fail to taste her lips. Desiring both, the dullard rocks back and forth on rounded gut, achieving neither. Even so, when questioned, the president of the Heap could neither answer, nor finish his argument.
Rhetor: And how did our president argue?
Gathering: Many are the lights of heaven which rise, and the moon itself is fair enough to beautify the world. But except the sun there neither rises, no, nor sets, a light whose rising gives us day, whose setting gives us night. The speech of Ballard is the light of day, his silence darkest night.
Rhetor: And what transpired at that foul place?
Gathering: We shall not defile this hall with talk of what occurred in darkness. Suffice it to say that before departing the pumpkin resolution was read, and a new member joined. Even what has already been said might have polluted our hall on this most dangerous of nights, when yankee ghosts threaten our beloved Tooms. Therefore I would ask all of you to join me in clearing the air. Demosthenian! Demosthenian! Demosthenian!
R.S. Chris Hansen |
University of Georgia 