| These are the minutes where I finally tell you a horrendously
boring work-related story.
In today's fast-paced global economy, customer service often
gets overlooked. All of us need to remember that customer service
is key. A serviced customer is a happy customer. Me, when I'm
at work, I try to provide the best service possible at all times.
Take this letter I received in my work e-mail yesterday morning:
“Mr. Richards,
Your "work" in today's Red and Black is completely
insensitive and one of the worst things I have ever seen in
the Red and Black.
Making fun of George W. Bush is one thing, but bringing American
troops into the mix is anything but funny. Unlike yourself I'm
sure,
a family member of mine is actually serving overseas and risking
his
life everyday to help protect yours. This is something he signed
up
for so I don't think you should infer that he or any other troop
might lose their life. I understand the war isn't going the
way it
was supposed to, but please find something a little more humorous
next time because this certainly was not.
Or at least, try to show a more conservative few point from
time to
time, it won't kill you, I promise.
[name omitted]”
Now, for some context. Apparently there's something about drawing
a picture of a flag-draped coffin that makes people go batshit
insane. Bearing that in mind, I replied:
“Mr. [surname omitted],
A closer reading will reveal that I wasnot slandering the troops
at all, but rather making a point about Bush denying reality.
By telling me that I "shouldn't infer that any troop might
lose their life" in a war that's claimed over 3000, it
seems that you're guilty of the same offense.
Have a nice day.
Bill Richards”
He replied thusly:
“Mr. Richards,
I just want to know how "a closer reading" can be
done with a substandard cartoon? What same offense am I guilty
of? I might be guilty of the same offense if 90% of the troops
lost their lives then sure your cartoon might be a "reality"
but until then please send your cartoon overseas and see how
that goes over. I am sure you wouldn't do it.
In kindest regards
[name omitted]”
When someone tells you that you catch more flies with honey
than with vinegar, slap them firmly. The best option, I've found,
is a flaming bag of excrement.
The meeting of Thursday, the 5th of April 2007 was called
to order. There were no, count 'em, no guests present.
There were, however, two petitions for membership. Mr. Porter
discussed a particularly odd teacher he had during his youth,
and ruminated on telling the future. Ms. Patel discussed procrastination.
Both were joyously welcomed into the Society. It was noted that
Mr. Broach has lost his mind.
In Committee Reports, the John Elliot bake sale is happening,
the hall exploration is not happening, and graduating seniors
should get their act together.
We had nominations for next week's elections.
In Programs, it was Oration Declamation night, more colloquially
known as Mental Masturbation Night. First, there were orations.
Mr. Ballard discussed autism and the neurodiversity movement.
Mr. Dowell discussed moon colonization and its potential ramifications
for human and lunarkind.
Mr. Garcia discussed the importance of tact, and the other
society's lack thereof, proposing a “final solution” to dealing
with this problem. He discussed this important trait, it should
be noted, without exhibiting any of it.
I discussed the decline of South Park as it has become more
topical, and offered solutions for a return to its past glory.
Mr. Pearl talked about what it was like not to have a computer
after he spilled beer on his.
Mr. Hansen argued that the foundation of most economic systems,
production, is itself an ill, and that economic activity is
merely the conversion of the living to the dead.
Mr. Darsie talked about smoking, the addiction process, and
pink lemonade Dum Dums as a substitute. But Mr. Darsie, that's
why God invented Perco-pops.
Mr. Beusse advocated increased awareness of Southern culture
and tradition.
Mr. Addison told tales of romance, mystery stains and blowing
up shit while drunk.
Mr. Sharp talked about different types of love.
Mr. Weiss the Lesser discussed the Grey Album, which led into
a discussion of Jay-Z's brilliance, which led to a discussion
of civil liberties.
Ms. Servidio discussed the need to honor Robert Toombs.
Mr. Williamson talked about his horrible week, and how Rockstar
Energy Drink made his week so much better.
In Declamations...
Mr. Dowell read, with passion, Dr. Seuss's first tome And
To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street.
Mr. Weiss the Lesser, with the help of the audience, gave Chris
Rock's sci-fi monologue from “Chasing Amy”
Mr. Etheridge gave a speech by Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez.
I presented Ice Cube's “It Was A Good Day.”
Ms. Barnett discussed things on, in and around Park Hall.
Ms. Turlington talked about being a writer.
Mr. Porter discussed caning.
Ms. Waltz talked about the Rwanda genocide.
Mr. Hansen gave one of Mussolini's speeches to his blackshirts.
Ms. Wilkinson gave a walking tour of North Campus.
Mr. Dolan gave an excerpt from “Mere Christianity.”
Ms. Keyes-Blumer told a story of a girl in a Palestinian refugee
camp.
Ms. Servidio read from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Mr. Miller read a short piece of Matrix fan fiction in a fake
British accent.
Ms. Moxley told the chamber, definitively, that “This Is How
We Do It.”
Ms. Roberts read from some sort of travelogue.
Mr. O'Donnell made my prediction sort of come true, and read
from Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead.
Mr. Darsie read the closing speech off “Boston Legal.”
The meeting was adjourned in the early A.M. hours.
Respectfully submitted,
William F. Richards, Jr.
|
University of Georgia 