| This Heat! This soupy, unbearable inconceivable heat. The
moment I step outside my apartment every morning I start drowning
in my own sweat. Big business has gone too far my brothers.
We can no longer go on living like this. The environment is
shot to hell and global warming has brought hell to Athens.
We have but one clean and decisive resolution before us. We
must build a massive air conditioned biodome. Only this way
can we further protect ourselves from the further repercussions
of pollution.
Like all true American endeavors this project should be based
solely on the ideals of capitalism. We must not only build this
dome, but we must turn a profit.
Here, oh my brothers and sister Athenians is what I propose.
First, we need several million panels of tinted glass and a
vast metal frame to fit over Athens. And where better to acquire
these materials than some distant impoverished country? For
merely pennies we can have our dome built in some exotic location,
like India or China, hey, I’d even pay Martians if their child
labor laws were loose enough.
Next, we’ll need to find a way to transport all the pieces
of our wonder dome across the ocean. The cheapest, I mean only
way to do this is to use ocean cruisers. Unfortunately they’ll
be booked up with the country’s elderly, venerable, and societaly
useless population. But don’t worry, I think I’ve come up with
a way to solve that problem, our Social Security crisis, and
the issues we’re having with finding human test subjects for
the experimental pharmaceutical.
Once we have all the pieces of our dome we’ll apply for funding
from the government, they’ll bankroll anything. After that we’ll
drive down to the nearest construction yard to pick up some
day laborers. With any luck, we’ll be able to gyp them out of
the little money we promise them and I’ll be able to save even
more on overhead costs.
Then what happens? Well, open your doors crank up the A/C and
enjoy our artificial winter cause that cold air aint goin’ nowhere.
With any luck Atlanta will recognize the greatness of the weather
dome. Once they find me with patent in hand. Once I’ve built
Atlanta a dome I can begin my business in earnest and manufacture
domes for all the great American cities. I’ll not only be a
national hero for single handedly solving the environmental
issues, I’ll have done it in the most capitalist way & I’ll
be filthy rich too!!
Uh,
The Meeting was called to order at 7:04
There were 26 first time guest, 3 returning guests, and 2 alumni.
We entered programs where President Darsie addressed the society
and reminded us all of the Demosthenian tradition and history.
We entered new business:
BIR: The University of Georgia should
not allow the existence of attendance policies.
Respectfully Submitted, Rory Weeks
Mr. Weiss rose to support the attendance policy on the grounds
of the professor’s time management.
Mr. Broach spoke in favor of the resolution citing student’s
responsibilities as the issue, not the teachers.
Mr. Chiego spoke in opposition to the resolution for the good
of the university. He said that without mandatory attendance
the university wouldn’t function.
Ms. Turlington spoke against the resolution and supported attendance
policy as character building. She further feels that we should
respect professors’ autonomy in the classroom. Further, Further,
she pointed out that professors would scheme to use quizzes
and other methods to keep students in the classroom. It was
a long speech.
A guest said that the resolution was redundant due to professors’
other methods.
Mr. Williamson rose in support of the resolution.
Mr. Richards spoke against the resolution for the sake of image,
classroom attendance, and decorum.
A guest spoke against the resolution for the sake of student
motivation.
Ms. Herschman gave an introspective speech summarizing the
resolution.
The question was called and failed 6 to 18 among members and
9 to 11 among guests.
BIR: Evil has had an overall positive
effect on the world. Respectfully Submitted, William D.
Richards
A guest rose to speak in favor of the resolution and referred
to our society as a bringer of light and greatness to the world.
Mr. Weiss rose to explore the notion of good and evil relativism.
Mr. Sharp rose in vehement opposition of the resolution and
stated that evil is evil, good is good, evil is never positive.
Mr. Miller rose to argue against the resolution and state that
though good begets evil, it is in fact superior to evil.
Mr. Garcia rose to disagree with the resolution on the premise
that good and evil are matters of subjectivity and more is always
viewed as evil than is viewed as good.
Mr. Chiego rose, and citing the Matrix as his primary source,
supported the resolution.
Mr. Pearl rose in support of the resolution and argued for
the balance and progress of good and evil.
The question was called and failed 6 to 13 among members, 2
to 12 among guest and 0 to 1 among Alumni Misztal.
BIR: The United States should lift the
Cuban embargo Respectfully Submitted by comrade Steven
Etheridge.
Mr. Misztal argued against the resolution proposing a fatalistic
apocalypse as a likely repercussion.
A guest rose, and after beginning with a quote from Karl Marx,
explained how communism would spread across the world and destroy
all that we know.
The question was called and passed 7 to 5 among members, 10
to 2 among guests, and 1 to 0 among Misztal.
BIR: All second class states should be
given to allies alienated by the Bush administration’s foreign
policy.
Respectfully submitted, Josh Weiss.
Mr. Chiego rose to speak of the most excited geology and remind
us of our valuable resources under these states, which America
must defend despite the states’ apparent uselessness.
Ms. Herschman reminded us that Kevin Smith came from New Jersey,
one of the states widely advocated for donation.
Mr. Steinberg spoke against the resolution and proposed giving
away his sister with Nebraska as a dowry.
Mr. Richards told us of how exporting is vital to our country
and how we should begin exporting states in addition to Budweiser
and McDonalds.
Mr. Garcia rose to support the resolution and further suggest
that we place all of the sons of the confederates on Alabama
and presenting it to Africa. He also suggested placing all the
Baptist convention goers on South Carolina and presenting it
to Iraq.
The question was called and failed 3 to 15 among members, 4
to 7 among guests, and 0 to 1 among alumni.
The meeting was adjourned at 9:55 subject to Mr. Hill’s critic’s
report.
|
University of Georgia 