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Columns::September 30, 2002
‘Life-changing’ experience: Network helps women further careers in higher education
University receives governor’s award for pollution prevention
Domestic partner issue moves one step closer to regents’ office
Fond farewells
IRP director will retire from his post Nov. 1
Hispanic Heritage Month showcases rich cultural diversity
D.W. Brooks Lecturer will discuss bioterrorism, homeland security and food supply
Campus Closeup
Administrative Changes
Newsmakers
It’s all relative
Oh they fly through the air
Campus News
Psychologists conclude that narcissists usually make miserable mates
By Phil Williams
phil@franklin.uga.edu
For two decades, self-help books have hammered home a consistent theme for successful romantic relationships: first, you must love
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Keith Campbell
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yourself. A study headed by a UGA psychologist, however, contradicts that conventional wisdom.
It turns out that those with positive self-images bordering on narcissism are usually miserable mates--selfish, manipulative, unfaithful and power hungry. Although they may at first seem charming and interested in a relationship, they soon look for dominance rather than delight.
“These people can come on as confident and attractive, but you don’t see the negative parts of their personalities until later,” says Keith Campbell, assistant professor of psychology at UGA. “It doesn’t seem possible that they can betray a relationship as flagrantly as they can. But they do.”
The study, co-authored with Craig Foster of the U.S. Air Force Academy and Eli Finkel of Carnegie-Mellon University, was published earlier this year in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Narcissism, it turns out, has many ill-starred variants, and the so-called self-esteem movement may have been completely wrong in saying that a person who doesn’t love herself or himself can’t successfully love others.
Clinical narcissism is a personality disorder affecting about 1 percent of the population, but millions share characteristics of narcissists to a greater or lesser degree. In general, true narcissists think very highly of themselves, are not very concerned with intimacy, and believe they are unique and smarter and more attractive than others. They often maintain these feelings by seeking and expressing superiority to or dominance over others.
The defining feature of those with narcissistic tendencies, the study found, is what the researchers call “game-playing love.” In this approach, the narcissist is averse to depending on a partner, is deceptive and often cheats. In this way the narcissist can maintain power and autonomy at the expense of his or her partner.
Despite anecdotal evidence to the contrary, men are only slightly more likely than women to fall into this category. Indeed, male and female narcissists often date each other and play identical games.
The study was done using students from UGA, the University of North Carolina and Case Western Reserve University, who in certain samples were asked to complete a booklet containing measures of self-esteem, narcissism and love styles. Self-love was measured with a standard testing tool called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory.
“These studies don’t necessarily mean that the importance granted to narcissism by the self-help literature is invalid,” says Campbell, “but this proposition needs more clarification. There is evidence for a link between narcissism and loving others when narcissism is more akin to self-esteem.”
Just why people develop narcissistic tendencies is unclear. Narcissism could arise from experiences in early childhood or could even have a genetic component, but little research has been done on sources.
Campbell believes that narcissists are often clueless about the effect of their behavior on others. In fact, the studies show they rarely think about others seriously at all and probably never consider the havoc they are creating in interpersonal relationships. People who appear successful and confident--including narcissists--are generally considered likeable.
“I don’t believe narcissists are more successful than others, though,” says Campbell. “One might think from their demeanor that they are, but it’s just not true from what we can tell. Somebody always pays the price for the games they play.”
These characteristics show why narcissists often find it easy to get dating partners but rarely have long-term relationships. And it’s more than just a matter of being Mr. Wrong. They see no downside to creating the persona they perceive as successful, but that success rarely materializes. People with low opinions of themselves may be easy prey for narcissists.
Campbell says there are some basic caveats about this study: it relies on self-reporting; it draws inferences from material that may be open to multiple interpretations; and there is no clear cut-off point between high narcissism and normal self-confidence, making judgments somewhat difficult.
However, the researchers were able to augment the self-reports with information from dating partners of the participants. In every case, the strategy of game-playing was paramount, and it led without question to serious problems in the relationships.
Viewing excessive narcissism as a problem is hardly new, of course. In Greek myth, Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water and died. The new study, however, is among the first to take what has been suspected for thousands of years and subject it to a rigorous scientific experiment. As it turns out, Narcissus probably got what was coming to him. |
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